had a fun day today. hahas.. sch was fun. took pics w cherry and shushu in e morning. ((:












it rainned heavily so we did e aces day work out in e canteen, which was like quite dumb cos it was so cram. hahas. had fun laughing n playing thou. went back to classroom and did this survey thingy. acted spastic w belle, sticking the sticker thingy on my forehead, n her on her ear. hahas.

we decorated the class room for the teacher's day class party! it was like supperrr pretty. hahas.. then the CHONG CHONGS jus fooled arnd outside the classroom. hahas.. took many spastic emo pics w simin's cam! ahahas. and w germaine's cam too cos mine was sorta like low batt. hahaas! post them when they send them over (:

still, took loads of pretty pics w them using my own cam. here's some ((:

darling jockay! ((:
















that's sasha proposing t me :p
















w bea! (:



















my lovely sitting partner! (:
















belle! ((:














chai chai outside class (:















me na germie. (:
















okay. right. enough of photos first. ANYWAY. we had our class party. which was like superr fun. roamed arnd the whole of sec 2 level, playing and laughing. den got dismissed abt 12 plus. met up w akshaya. hurried to change. then took bus w her, gen,ly,vicky, shushu n this sec girl. hahas.. acted like crazy pple in the bus, laughed alot, and took loads of photos again. HERE FOR YOU TO VIEW (:


with my dearest sista! <33s















shushu! [ tht blur is gen's extra hand :p ] (:















starring miss adorable:vickytoria ((:















hahas.. those were the PRETTIER pics tht we took on the bus. and we also TOU PAI-ed this couple. but hahas.. shall not post it here, RESPECT their privacy. ahahas. anyway. dropped off a shell. den mummy fetched me n akshaya to pri school. met loads of pple there. hahas.. i think everyone hasnt changed tht much. jus grew like MUCH TALLER and faces look more matured. hahas. met up w some 1992 1C pupils! ahahas. was kinda cool i think to see them again! ahahas. and loads of other pple luh. took pics w eleanor on her cam, shall ask her to send them over to me ((:

den went to lot 1 w eden n akshaya. we ate, walked arnd. took a neo. and lots of pics. hahas.. post the prettier ones here ((:

hahas.. we managed to take sme pics of the neo screen b4 the woman scolded us :p



















number 2(:




















bestiex! ((: [ we look alike here? no? ]















hahas.. disturbing eden in the life ;p















mirror image tht you cannot see (:



















in the lrt, on the way home (:
















pretty train trackk (:




















ahhas.. random pic (:















yes, i love my bestiex very much ((:
















hahas.. okays. it like took me almsot more than 1 hr jus to do this blog post. shall end of w a last pic ((:


she(belle) gave those to me. aint they prety? ((;

















more pictures to come! check next post? or maybe next next next ((:

what wld i do w/o my darlings? ((:

<33 ally; Dont write me off just yet,9:36 PM was surprisingly efficient this morning. forced myself to wake up when my alarm rang, woke my dad up and got ready. hahas. timed myself. when we got downstairs, realised tht i had approx 3 mins to walk to the bus stop. urged dad to brisk walk, hahas.. we looked sorta funny, walking so fast like idiots. but YEAH. i was impressed w my timing, because in a min or so after we sat down, the bus came! hahas.. accuracy uh! ((:

sch today was okay. kinda boring. got frustrated over some stuff. hahas.. annoying stuff luh. i mean like, come on pple, lighten up. dont cont quarreling over trival things uh? jus "yi ren rang yi bu" la. try to understand each other, cos its really tedious for bystanders to see two unhappy pple. hahas.. we love u guys and all, but yeah. jus live n bear ((: still love u lots thou! ((:

stayed back a lil while w shushu, ly,fiona n cheryl. slacked. ate lunch. ly n cheryl went for tennis. shushu n i jus walked arnd and talked. hahas.. then i came home. been rather boring uh. going back to pri sch tml. kinda excited to see everyone again ((:

lost n delirious was such a sweet show. even though it was like so.. UH. not censored can! m18! hahas.. tht din stop us frm watching anyway. but yeahh, lesbianism and all. i din really believe in the "we not lesbians, we're jus individuals tht love each other" crap. but yah, tht show made me cry man. was so sweet. like okay, maybe its like wrong in the bible and yeah, but in the SHOW, it was like YAH. hahas.. im not really making sense, but mm.. like they really loved each other so much, one knew it was time to let go but the other cldnt take it. so tragic luh really. tragic n sweet. wana watch it again. hahas. but dont dare to in case mummy catch, im sure she wldnt approve. lols. if sme one loved me tht much, i think i'd die. (well, besides jesus tht is, cos i knw he already died for me [: ) hahas.. but mm.. its jus a SHOW LA. hahas.. cant stop thinking abt it thou. the SWEETNESS!

hahas. out (:

just let me be incognito Dont write me off just yet,5:39 PM really tired now. had a long day at sch now. had remedial. came hme str after tht. helped mummy w e house and everything. got so pissed off w my sis. acted like she din care about us la. din help w the dishes or anything. when asked her she jus said she wanted to bathe, din even bother to help before she bathe. and then she came out like nothing happen. like wth la. pls!

a rather tedious day at sch today. i miss my friends. din have much time to talk to them today. so yeahh. ohh well. really dont feel like blogging. byee (: Dont write me off just yet,7:27 PM home early again. wanted to go bowling w shu,cheryl n ly. but decided to come home early cos mummy come home today. wanted to help her out. so hahas.. yah. she's aslp now. while jus blogging. there's like nobody online can. cant wait for exams to be over. cant stand staying at home much longer. yeahhs.

i gotta motivate myself to study! study alyssa! STUDY!! its going to be over VERY VERY SOON!!! hahas! yeahh. sch was okay today. thou kinda boring. (:

nothing to say. byee (: Dont write me off just yet,3:28 PM at huili's hse now using comp. rather bored. woke up early this morning. did science bonus mark thingy. but cldnt complete. too much to do. went to visit mummy. her new ward is nice. like a hotel room. hahas.. huili n i played w the bed. like lil kids. hahas.

went to jurong entertainment w huili n ah yi. we walked arnd a bit, den huili n i came home. as in like, ahyi's hse. not home home. lols. yeahh. stoning. going to eat dinner soon. no idea going home wht time.

so pissed off w parents la. like seriously, if u dont understand and jus stay out of it. there's no need for u to bother since we can handle it on our own. so yeahh. life is perfectly well when my parents ONLY cares abt my sch work. thts enough alr thank you very much. (:

sharon- its okay, everything's going to be alright. really! (:
shushu- dont worry abt ur mummy thingy luh! its OKAY! ((:
liz- please la, ask ur to PISS OFF. or she's nv going to get the msg (:

fucked up world; Dont write me off just yet,6:30 PM i made a mistake of listening to rather sad songs. especially i'm alone. they just make me so damn sad luh can. i really really really miss school now. even though there're like so many NOT SO NICE people in sch.

so in love with i cant hate you anymore. such a pretty song. but SO SAD. my gawds. jessica simpson is so DUMB. how can she leave nick?! saddening luh, the poor guy. and i dont even knw why im talkin about them. cos, its like so random. i dont rely care. but the song's SO SAD LA.

why why why why WHY???
WHYYYY???
tell me why?!
my gawds
it jus hurts so so so so SO MUCH
i still cant believe it
will i ever understand wht ur thinking?

tht went in hard
and it went in deep.

the blade's tht close.
its tht sharp.
and im tht near to reaching out for it.

smiles are so overrated.

save me.
anyone. Dont write me off just yet,4:16 PM woke up at about 9a.m this morning. went to e hospi for brekkie den visited mummy. miss her, its been three days ): yeahh.. aunt, gm n couz came too. left w my aunt n gm at arnd 2 plus. they dropped me at clementi n i took bus to bp plaza. met angel n ate lunch there. den we walked arnd window shopping. saw shawn tan w his mum n sis. long time since ive seen him, he's rather tall now. i feel short ):

hahas.. yeah. so then we jus walked arnd a bit. bought some stuff and left. so yah. im alone at home now cos sis went out and dad's still at e hospi w mum. hahas.. its kinda nice. but i kinda miss sch luh. miss my friends. rather lonely like tht ):

there were some pple playing keyboard at plaza jus now! pretty songs. im envious. hahas. piano exam in a few works. im like scared shitless. ):

I MISS CHERRY! WHERE ARE YOU GIRL?

`out. Dont write me off just yet,3:52 PM back home so early again. so not used to it luh can. like so nothing to do. missed one period of lit n science cos i felt sick, rested in the g.office. the rest of the day was alright. finally a moderately okay day in school this way. yay. chapel was kinda fun i guess. not as good as last last week thou, but yeah. i love the feeling of peace in my heart when i hear the christian songs. ((:

GOT A FOR MATHS THIS TERM! i can hardly believe it. cos i thought tht i'd definitely get a c, or the most a b. so yeah. im encouraged. but i think e prodots project saved me like the most. cos i failed e first test. so yeah, praise the lord! im afraid for my sci thou, cos i did well for bio but pretty sure i failed physics. ohh well, leave it to God (:

AUGUST 21,22,23,24,25. gawds. i'll never ever ever forget this week man. never felt so horrible before. hahas.. but it'll all be over soon. next monday will be a new week. a new start (:

<33 ally; Dont write me off just yet,3:58 PM today was a much more depressing day than yesterday. but yah. BLAH. fever came back half way through mass stretch. but continued doing anyway, our class won e mass stretch thingy. hahas.. which was kinda fun i guess. din do pe. fever went away. had a fun recess. belle, jockay, jane and i (simin wasnt here) sat w nic, bea n ramya today. OMG. NICOLLETTE GAN JIA GUI IS ONE FUNNY ASS MAN! ahahas. she makes me laugh SO MUCH!

yeahh. english was the same. i fell aslp. den crapped arnd w jane, jockay, belle n nic. laughed our guts out. den went for art. BATIK PAINTING IS SO DAMN FUN! chatted alot w bea and did e blending thingy. which was like super fun luh! hahas. and angeline kept saying rely cute n funny things tht made me laugh. yeahh. after tht belle n me accompanied liz to wait for her dad. went to hub, there wasnt any food. so din eat. den went to science enrichment.

cherry joined our group! hahas.. at first she, ly n i were like super high. laughing and all. but later i think it like sort of anti-climaxed. became quite solemn. yeahh. my fever came back again half way thru, still feel a lil woozy now. after science went to e canteen to eat dinner. than went home.

this week so far has been rather crappy luh. today was like so terrible. i feel so cheated. so betrayed. its like you never knw wht may be going on behind your back. i cant believe tht i trusted in them so much, but they cld suddenly turn like tht. but at least i caught on abit and distanced myself away earlier, if not i wld've got even more hurt. please. friends? its really scary. im so scared now, i dont even knw who's on my side and who's not.

and some pple are jus so free. spreading rumours. issit very fun? best part is that they arent even true. why cant pple check their facts before they talk? and if YOU(or WHOEVER) are reading this, then u better get it into your head/s. CHECK YOUR INFORMATION before u want to spread these kind of stuff. cos they are friggin sickening. im so sick of all this crap la. why cant u jus LEAVE ME ALONE?! GO AWAY!

and for you. i really dont need you. i cant even believe tht u turned out to be like tht. to all of us. how cld u do tht? but if thts the case, i knw tht u dont care for me AND us. you dont give a shit. so yeah. i dont need a friend like tht.

but ANYWAY. thanks to my lovely friends who were there to cheer me up!

JANE CHAI! : darling, you're always there to bring a smile to my face! i love u lots!(:
JOCKAY!: you can always make me laugh like im mad. glad tht i have you (:
BELINDA!: dearest. i knw that i can trust you always (:
BEATRICE!: love you so much dearie! (:
GEN! : girlios, i dont see u much. but i love talking to you. love you! (:
LIZ! : though we quarrel like ANIMALS, i knw tht i can trust you. loves! (:
SHU! : ahahas. thanks for cheering me up (:
KELLSIE!: my girlfriend! im NOT angry at u! thanks for ur sweet letter! (:
MELISSA!: hahas.. u FUNNY THANG! you make me laugh so much (:
CHERRY! : confidante! i love u babe! (:
JERRICA!: thanks for your letter. it was pretty. the LINES WERE FINE LUH! (:
CHAN KIM!: you're such a sweetie! thanks for helping me so much!(:

and many many moreee! hahas.. i love u guys many!!

just feel so scared
ive never felt like tht before
so so SO betrayed
i thought you were my friend
but this just shows how much you care about us huh?
I DONT NEED YOU.

i dont care.
i dont WANT to care about wht other pple are saying
cos i knw tht its so not fucking true
but deep down inside
i FEEL IT
like HELLO!
shut ur bloody pieholes!
if u want to spread rumours
you sld at least spread ones tht are TRUE
you disgust me.

you'll never knw who's for you and who's not; Dont write me off just yet,8:17 PM back from school. not too bad a day i guess. but it wasnt as enjoyable as i hoped. got to sch, finished up some undone work. ms ramlah din come today so had lyk 3 ree periods. used them to study and chat w belle. one period of maths was okay. basically did stuff tht i actually understood! ((: recess was okay. learnt friggin news tht jus pissed me off for the whole day. eng was okay, finally planned our cme presentation properly (: mother tongue was frantic cos we cldnt finish e gong han in time. science was e horrible-lest. cos i think tht i failed e physics test. rely sucked, i had no idea how to do it. after all tht studying, i felt so screwed up luh.

but wht im so pissed w is about THT! like HELLO. get your facts right luh. if ur pissed at me den jus TELL ME LUH. at least u can tell me wht i did wrong and i can change, but NO. u jus start ignoring me and i dont even notice tht there;s anything wrong. best part is tht u din try to find out w/o it was true or not, so ur like pissed w me for smth tht i din do. WTF LA! seriously lah. smss is getting SO SCREWED.

but yah. still had my lovely lovely frens who cheered me up. ((: chai chai sent me such a sweet msg, i love u girlios! (: and liz, melissa n marion! ahahas. thanks loads babes! love u too! (: jus hanged arnd in e canteen w shu, jerrica n alyssa. talked n stuff. den came home. met daddy on e way up. he was going to ntuc. i think he's sick. everyone at home is sick now. im getting a friggin flu. irritating!




no love; no such thing
you have to hurt to feel anything at all Dont write me off just yet,4:23 PM i feel SO DAMN FUCKED UP. wht is the fucking problem w me? too addicted to love songs. tht sets me into melancholy. so so so so so so stressed. work, exams, tests, AND THOSE FRIGGIN PPLE WHO U CARE ABOUT. and they cant see it cos they're so caught up w their own world. i feel like im in an empty house, even though my family are here. just so.. alone? just want to scream at the bloody silence echoing in my mind. stupid love songs playing in my head. im going crazy for no apparent reason.

GO AWAY! JUST GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!

i scream that when all i want is a accompanion.
love and comfort.
but i dont want to fall again.

you cant cure me; Dont write me off just yet,7:57 PM official school day sucked. chi was okay thou a lil boring, din get scolded for zuo ye. hehe. half e class were thrown out for lit cos nv complete e assignment. had to finish it outside. got back lit paper, scored 13/20. which im alr thanking God for cos i did pretty sucky-ly for it. maths was quite boring, but at least i understood. eng was like nothing luh. din do anyting. din understand a word of science.

lunch was weird w/o belle. jockay n simin were nowhere to be found either. so chai chai and i jus wondered arnd aimlessly. remedial was surprisingly okay. did quite well. after tht waited w liz n carolyn and sme others. liz fetched ly n me to coro den we took bus home.

smss is getting rather screwed up now a days. like hello? wht happened to love and sisterhood? aye? good relationships btw juniors, seniors and peers? er.. like zero, zilch can. meet more not so nice pple. its like so irritating.

alyssa, just shut up.

fuck
its the same old story occuring over and overagain
seems to be no end
why the hate?
where's the love and healing?
the world is seriously screwed up
and i dont deny that im part of it

shut up now.

okay. im shutting up here. Dont write me off just yet,6:53 PM had a bad day today. i dont like today. it sucked. i felt like crying. but nobody cld rely tell, so tht means my acting not bad aye? lols. onli my dearest chai chai cld tell. hahas.. she's such a dear ((:

to liz: follow ur heart. you dont have to care abt those irritating pple arnd u, jus treat them like flies, they'll go away. i'll be behind u, and u knw tht u can tell me anything thts on ur mind. ((:

to cherry: dont let anyone stand in ur way of being happy. i love u. ((:

to jane chai: hahas.. thanks dearie, but im okay. <33s ((:

to darren: its okay. start over again ((:

yep. i dont understand how sme pple jus like to hold on to things tht they knw tht its not going to end in smth good. its like, the other person is not even willing anymore, its like super despo can. eeeyerr. hahas.. anyway. ive got nothing to say luhh. wun be bloggin much. shall be studying.

byee((: Dont write me off just yet,4:05 PM i feel like a fucking asshole now. and i dont even knw why. friggin mood jus swings. feel rather sad. i hate this. whtever this is.




i dont even knw wht im doing now
im not even sure of my feelings
it CANT be
i promised tht i'd never feel this way

but u just make me feel
that way. Dont write me off just yet,2:48 PM HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS!
my sis is 17 today (:

showtime yesterday was so damn fun. din cheer in e end cos there were already enuf pple. but still had a hell of a good time man. studied in e performing arts studio while waiting for liz. got bored of it so went to e canteen. talked to bahar, grace, arlene n rica. hahas.. they seriously crack me up. esp bahar n grace! they seriously say e sillest things tht make me laugh uncontrollably.

den liz came out. we slacked in sch for a bit. talked and laughed till her daddy came. fetched us to mediacorp. NANNY MACFEE WAS THERE! tht stupid old man! hate him man. hahas.. i think he still rmb my sis n me cos he was staring so hostile-ly at me everytime he scolded us! so retarded can. ugly or man. hahas.. waited for a super long time for it to start. but meanwhile had loads of fun w liz, ly, grace n bahar. kept talking loads of craps and laughing like crazy maniacs! hahas.. was quite retarded luh. we jus kept talking thru e whole thing even when we started filming. and e seniors at e back had to keep shushing us :p

yep. there were two sec one girls behind. heard all e dirty jokes and stuff tht grace n bahar was talking abt and laughed too. ahhaas.. they were rather adorable. den liz, ly, grace, bern n i went to e toilet. got scolded by nanny macfee cos we went down to buy drinks. we kept laughing at him. and he threatened to call e police for blah blah blahh ( not very original.. always says e same thing.. )... hahas.. yeah. finally managed to go back into e theather. started talking crap again, and laughed till my stomach hurt. basically. WE LAUGHED ALOT. funn!!! ((:

yeah. today's streaming talk meeting thingy sucked like shite. i dont even want to talk about it. but my father is seriously changing. HELLO. my MUM used to be e one who gets "ji dong" over everything, not HIM. but they're like serioulsy changing roles now. except he's worse. i dont like it. its so weird. i mean, issit like OLD AGE OR SMTH? cos he's not even tht old yet. whts going to happen when he gets to his 50s or 60s? whts he going to do to me man. throw me out of e house? im not even some deliquent! gawds. i seriously duno whts his problem. he's been picking on me since e start of this year, and favouring HER.

gawds.

life is SO unfair. Dont write me off just yet,1:33 PM just got home. nobody's here, which is not a bad thing, i like it man. ahahas.. jus feel kinda empty. but it wldnt make a difference if my sis was here cos we'd be fighting or ignoring each other anyway right? so hahas.. yeah. shes out partying w her frens so im here home alone. w no dinner. ):

anyway, had a rather tiring day today. got to sch.fooled arnd. had a crappy mass stretch. den had debates, which was SUPER COOL! ahahas.. our class won again! which is a happy thing! yay 2e6! <33s! hahas.. so we missed one whole period of pe because of debates, den went down to e bball courts. ran two rounds for warm ups. hahas.. all e chongs were in front! yay! ahahas.. chongs rocks pls ((: den did stretches. there was no more time to play floorball alr so we played husband and wife. which was fun. but ppls kept sabotaging me! and had to run so many times! hahas.. but it was still fun (:

after tht had one period of math, den recess. which were both kinda boring. got rather high towards the end of recess thou. den had english which was fun i guess. cos our cme group din do anything but to laugh and play, and SING. hahas.. mr lim asked us whether we were planing to sing for our presentation, we told him tht we probably wld. HEE. den went to e library did some research, which we DIN do(read abit abt lee kuan yew thou. about 3 pages max :p )

DEN, had art. din knw tht we had to go to e art room so we fooled arnd until second period a person told us to go downstairs. did batik painting which was FUN! hahas.. used e wax to do e thingy. but i think i still suck at art. HEH. jockay, belle n i stayed on even when sch was over to finish putting on e wax. i was e slowest thou ):

yeah. went back to classroom, higher mt wasnt using it for some reason. which was good. so jus packed my stuff, handed in ih. den went back to e classroom. sat w belle n simin. watched simin do work. den we jus stoned there. sing sing sing! which was uber fun! hahas.. until abt 2:30 ly finished mt so had to go to sci enrichment alr. but her class had some talk thingy so had to wait. talked to liz until she was ready. but by tht time i was busy alr. so she had to wait for me. finally made it to science enrichment. cldnt be in e same group cos we were late. but in e end she swaped w someone frm my group. so then our group is : me, ly, leanne, freya n shirleen((: shirleen was leader, leanne + freya: journal takers thingy, ly: i forgot wht its called, in charge of taking e stuff thingy :p, me: navigator. hahas.. basically i jus used the comp (:

yep. after tht went to coro w ly to buy sushi! waited damn long jus to buy a bottle of water cos i was rely thirsty. by e time i bought it we cldnt sit down to eat alr cos she had tuition. so took bus to kap. ate at e bus stop there. den came home.

YAH. so thts all. and i got serious studying to do. which i really dont feel like doing. GOD! help me pls!!!! i rely need to study!! )): Dont write me off just yet,7:09 PM din blog yesterday cos my comp conked out. yesterday was rather tiring. had maths remedial after prodots which was somewht rewarding cos i understand more now. den went to e comp lab w charitee n ly to print my ih stuff which was like super long overdue.

ate abit den took bus to coro w gen, ly and charitee. charitee alighted for tuition so e rest of us went to bukit timah shell to change bus. hahas.. was rather high on e bus, kept laughing and playing (:

went home. rested. computer conked out. got pissed. ahahas.. tht was basically my day yesterday. today was even more boring.went to sch, it was fine. had chi test which wasnt as bad as i expected, thank god. rest of e day was pretty boring but not too bad. printed out e rest of my ih reflections. ate w liz, ly, marion n shu. talk talk.. liz n marion went for sci enrichment, ly went for detention. i went to meet e showtime peeps. den went home. (:

mummy was home cos she's sick. i din do much cos was tired. bathed, read magazine, and fell aslp. so now on comp. i swear today is e last day im going to slack so much! its going to be full on mugging for now. HOLIDAY MOOD XXX! time to STUDYYY!!! (:

SO CRAZY OVER HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL! ahahas.. so jealous pls, they can sing,dance and act so well. its crazy pls! how can some pple be so damn talented???! HOW??! and why dont we have large scale musicals in singapore?? so backdated! why cant singaporeans appreciate?! ):

there's not a star in the sky tht we cant reach; if we're trying. Dont write me off just yet,6:05 PM got home frm school about an hour ago. mummy came w aunty xanthe to fetch me. JUST when i was saying tht i felt lazy to go home by bus. hallelujah! i feel so blessed. my mummy was nice to me today. so tht was good. (:

school was okay today. din get fried by laoshi even thou i expected to. gona have maths remedial tml to catch up all e things tht we missed out on e musical days. hahas.. time to get down and do some REAL studying now. i swear im going to work my ass of for this exam man. must must MUST! home ec test was okay today, i knw how to answer most of e questions, but not all in depth.

stayed back after sch to do those friggin ih reflections and assignments. and i STILL din manage to finish it all on time. so brought home to do. still going to get fried by mrs shum. but AIYAH. i seriously cannot care luh. i was seriously so stressed out at e bloody comp lab. screaming like some insane woman. hahas.. but not tht loudly luh. at least i hope not :p lucky ah girl n cherry were there. hahas.. help me get over the insanity. (:

hopefully going to showtime on friday! i think mummy allow. but she says tht i gotta let dad knw cos she wun be home on fri onwards. hee! yay! ((:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!! <33s

loves<33 (: Dont write me off just yet,5:45 PM yesterday and today at marriot. den to ahyi's place. spend like SO MUCH TIME w my family. good or bad? kinda hard to express. i love them and all, but all we ever do is to irritate each other, so like. whts e point? i love them, i knw they love me, but tht doesnt mean tht we like each other. bleahh.. i wonder if tht even make sense.

screamed at each other. i SWEAR, i did NOT sulk or show black faces. but i did apparently to mum, but yeah. loads of screaming. "sulking" and whtever luh. but it still turned out quite okay. i miss sch thou. i dont feel happy. ):

got pissed off w my couz. she's so damn disrespectful. im not surprised thou. strikes me funny tht loads of sec 1s in st margs are this way. and she's not even in smss. hahas.. smth wrong w their generation batch pls. not all luh, many are nice. like my nice juniors (: but she rely pisses me off. no sense of shame. GAH.

on a happy note thou, bought new clothes today! orange tank top, white half vest and a new skirt! yipee! ahahas. okay. thts a happy thing. hahas.. but i havent done my ih hw, so im probably going to get fried tml. WHOOPS. i'll take things as they come tml (:

i feel blessed to have my friends. going to see you tml dearies! sign off now. byee (:

loves <33 Dont write me off just yet,9:48 PM im home so called "early" once again. ahahas.. even thou its not tht early, it FEELS early. and it feels so weird too, havent been home at this time for like sucha long time. i feel so EMPTY w/o COTE rehearsals man. and since national day is over, no more rehearsals either. EEEYERR )):

school was okay today. even thou was a bit sick. stoned a bit for e first 6 periods, but i DID listen! hahas.. got back ih paper which was another shock tht i did NOT need.i think im going to do REALLY badly for progress report ): was feeling rather giddy and had a headache, but i survived (:

english test was okay but was SO SLEEPY. as soon as i finished my summary and checked it twice through, i feel asleep. slept for like 15 mins. BEST MAN, den i felt so high (:

chapel was great. i enjoyed it. the songs we sang spoke to me in a new way today. it seems so cool when you decide to follow jesus again, everything seems to be in new light (: i really felt for the songs today, and it jus makes me want to draw closer and closer to God. God is so wonderful isnt He? (: yeah. yahui talked about many stuff today too. but mainly on unhealthy b/ggr. ahahas.. it was like super funny can. they did this skit thingy tht made me laugh like mad. hahas.. super high.

yeah. after sch was rather boring thou. searched for liz EVERYWHERE but she was no where to be found. so din go to old nanyang in e end. i went to e library to finish up my HE, passed it up den went to e canteen. ate lunch w elaine, den she left. so jus stoned there and talked to some tennisers and other pple. yeah. felt so LAZY to go home. so i called dad hoping tht he was free to pick me. ahahas. feel so blessed today! he was already on his way to pick me up even thou he din knw tht i was still at sch. whee! ((:

its been such a boring day. but still!

praise the lord ((: Dont write me off just yet,5:11 PM HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

hahas.. i love singapore! national day celebration at sch was FUN! totally flickin, everyone was SO HIGH CAN! ahahas. enjoyed. angeline's party yesterday was fun too! ahahas. but i had to leave early so tht was rather sad. the party was FUN FUN FUN! ((:

yah. im too lazy to blog. byeee ((: Dont write me off just yet,11:19 AM school was alrighty today. felt rather relaxed cos din have any test. chi was fun. jus talked. hahas.. and lao shi seperated me and yiyi AGAIN. but not very far away so we cont talking anyway. hahas.. got back maths paper, which i expected to fail. but shall still give thanks to god cos e mark i got was already a result of His grace i guess. gotta try harder again.

sneaked out of sch at lunch w chai chai n LY today to go to e hostle thingy beside sch. hehe.. their provision shop is COOL. we went there to buy ice cream. which was YUMMY cos today was SO HOT! yay! and we din get into trouble! ((:

had practice for national day again today. which was rather maluating cos we had to do like a short run on stage, it was a disaster. looked like idiots up there cos e music was so soft and we entered late/early and did a bunch of idiotic stuff. hahas. but it wasnt too bad luh i guess.



singspiration rely set me thinking today. infact, ive been thinking about it for the past few weeks. jus wht has happened to me? i realised tht ive been very far away frm God. wht i do, wht i say, all has to correspondence to wht God wants me to be or to wht His purpose for me is. the big question is, just wht happened? its such a terrible feeling. i think back on e past 2 years. last year, june 2005. youth camp 2005, how tht turned my life around, and when i recommitted myself back to the lord. when all i had this huge passion, the giant fire in my heart, to just run and run and RUN for God. and suddenly? it all diminished. after leaving POG, trying hard to fight to stay strong. battling w mild depression. and all tht. then finally picking myself back up again. and it felt find.

wht was the problem? i realised. i picked myself up again, continued w life. but for wht? i din continue living my purpose. i feel like a worthless piece of shite. living life like this is WORTHLESS, i might as well not live at all. its just like waiting for the time for me to go down to hell. and wht for? absolutely nothing. meaningless meaningless. utterly meaningless. those words i still remember. life w/o God, its just meaningless.

"many are called, but only a few are chosen. remember, you are chosen." those words still echo in my head. its like they're etched permernantly into my heart. i remember e exhiliration when i heard those words. how excited i was. wht cld be better than living a life for God? absolutely nothing i believe. i miss tht feeling. how everyday i'd wake up w a new devotion, a new burst of passion to serve the Lord. how i knw tht i could always leave EVERYTHING to Him. and how tht everyday was a fresh start again. His mercies are new every morning. living in the comfort tht no matter wht happens or how lost i feel, He will ALWAYS be there for me to fall back on.

it jus suddenly all dawned upon me, God is calling me back. its all around me. EVERYWHERE i go. i keep hearing His voice, telling me to come back. to just come back. when i felt so ashamed, even when i felt tht i cldnt face Him anymore, the words tht i keep hearing is come back, just come back , i still love you. and my heart just want to crumble into a million of pieces and go back to Him. to run back to my sanctury, where i belong. the heart of God.

its a slow start, but im not going to be like tht anymore. i promise. im not going to live such a worthless life. im going to find my purpose back. no more engaging in activities tht you KNOW is wrong. im leaving all tht behind now.

im sorry God, i rely am. forgive me?

cos im nothing w/o you; Dont write me off just yet,8:34 PM gawds. i feel SO DAMN TIRED MAN. hahas.. had two other raher busy days. friday, went back to sch. did e maths test which was an absolute KILLER. i probably flunked e whole thing. din have a single idea wht the shite i was doin man. well yeah, lit wasnt tht bad. hopefully can score a few marks (:

carpenter tools came to our sch for chapel! they're like super cool pls, they sing so prettily. i envy! hahas.. love their voices. they're having a concert on e 19th, im still considering on going or not. yeah, after e maths test we practiced e thingy for national day. which was kinda fun. e dances are rather adorable, thou kinda kuku. :p

today, went back to sch again to practice for it. was suppose to go w shini but her mum decided to fetch her in e end so i went alone. we were there frm aout 8a.m to 2 plus. e new dances we learn today were super fun. but hahas.. rather embarasing too! partnered wanda for most of e songs. she's so cute to dance w! hahas.. INDIAN DANCE WANDA! ((:

yeah. after tht went to serene macs w gen n shini for lunch. den shini dad fetched me hme. alone at hme now. sis n mum went to orchard, dad fetched them there so he sld be coming back soon. i feel like sleeping. im rely tired. (:

chaos.(: Dont write me off just yet,3:47 PM been a few days since ive updated. well, once again so many things have happened. finally performed! whee!

hehe. e preview was seriously a killer. on e morning itself i suddenly felt super sick, threwed up like 8 or 9 times. so miss tan and this other teacher brought me to see a doctor. hahas.. funny thing was jus before they brought me there i started to feel better, but they thought tht it was better to be safe than sorry. hahas.. tht REALLY freaked me out cos i thought tht i wldnt be able to perform pls. and everyone thought tht i went hme. hees.. but surprised them by coming back! ((:

preview wasnt too bad a iguess. had technical glitches here and there. but overall i think it was quite okay apart frm a few missed cues and stuff. yesterday's matinee was FUN! ahahas.. was superrrrr nervous before we went on stage. but e whole thing went pretty well. there wasnt any serious technical problems, onli small ones here and there tht nobody cld tell. (: yep. and i din even see where 2e6 were in e audience until e curtains started closing. HEHE. thank god, i think i wld've freaked out if i knew where they were sitting. :p

the evening show was great! but i think tht e matinee was better. onli sad thing was tht milli's mike wire tripped when it came to her solo! which rely sucked, so she sang w/o the mike. but she still did rely well, jus tht some parts cldnt hear her.): yeah. but everything else was great. thingy ended. took loads of photos w goodness knws WHO camera, some teared, some laughed, make up got smudged etc. hahas.. den we all went hme.

im going to miss COTE so much! my gawd. its going to be SO WEIRD going hme straight after sch everyday. im going to miss e clashers so so so so so so SO MUCH! esp how so many of them are not in eldds! dammit man. going to miss e juniors loads! was so sad la. jus as we were leaving, munnera came over and said "forget me not okay?". tht made me want to cry. of course i wun forget my darling! ): i'll never never never forget any of my dearest juniors! ((:

now not at sch cos woke up w a horrible throat. cant rely speak now. daddy's bringing me to e doctor's later. heard tht a lot of pple are sick now. think they din go to sch either. GAH. i miss sch! i miss 2e6! ):

CLASHERS!! I MISS YOU GUYS TOOO!

and its all over; Dont write me off just yet,11:05 AM