hadd a cooooool dayy today. hehe.. went to skool to pass miss soh my report book and stuff. den hurried to fareast to meet the others. hahas.. i was late but they were LATER. hahas.. i tot tat dey wld be waiting for me loh, hahas.. ended up wif me waiting for THEM. lolx.

hanged aroudn wif ty, faith n mel. blah blah.. walked around looking fer stuff. hahs.. den walked wif mel to e bus stop cos he hadd to go to skool. yeppx. went to crest, bought a book. den went to wait fer cher and peace.

yeas. walked around. cher treated us to LOLLIPOP! hahas.. hadd fun. ate e lollipop. blah blahh. den went to buy tickets fer a movie. bought le, sent cher off to e busstop cos she also had to go back to skool for lessons or sumthing.

den e three of us went to watch e movie. hahas.. so swey, the movie was actually NC16! so faith and i cldnt watch. btu on the board they said it was pg lor! hahas.. so had to switch movies. we changed to FLIGHTPLAN! hahas.. which was chao cool lor! hahas.. was so exciting.chaonice to watch.

yeppx. den later hamz came. hung around fer sum time. ty bought famous amos cookies. hahas.. sho nice! so ate dem. den hamz pei me go hme. hmmz.. so tat was my dayy ba. hahas.. had fun being wif dem. hahas.. of course various of other things happened la. wun go into detail, hahas.. cos i guess, sum stuff are better left unsaid den said. hmmz.. but it was a good dayy la i guess. =)

hahas.. yea. tml i think going fer a picnic with mi cousins on dad's side. which is SO WEIRD cann.. for all that i rmb, ive NEVER been on a pinic on my cousins tat side lo. onli renuion dinners. bleahh.. onli couz on daddy's side tat i ever go out wif is gugu(vivian,vina) lor. hahas.. duno why suddenly go out. hahas.. i suppose its a good thing anywae. we sld be better aqquainted since we're cousins right? lolx.. or else like strangers like tat.bleahh..

hahas.. ya. loads of things to say. but ccant be bothered la. so shall end here. byes

`thing's we'll never know Dont write me off just yet,7:56 PM i hate rock music. the only thing it does is to make people angry, pissed and depressed. and think of things they dont want to think about. Dont write me off just yet,9:09 PM woah..im SO EXCITED! my grandma might be accepting christ! woots! hahas.. rmb cos last time she was sick. so many peeps came to pray fer her. blah blah.. den loads of pple told her abt christ and chistianity. hehe.. and i think she was saying maybe she wanted to become christian! yay!

hahas.. is tat cool or wad? come on its my GRANDMA! tralala.. im so excited! hmmz.. ive seriously losted count of how many months it has been. sld be abt 4 months plus ba? been ages. thats all i know. miss you guys!

`another soul for jesus? =))) Dont write me off just yet,11:15 AM going to go out soon. but jus felt like i had to blog. hmmz.. god rely works in such wonderful ways. he jus allows people to encourage u and push you on even though they dun know it. read the blog of a fren of mine. wad she said rely encouraged me. she jus said.. 'to alyssa. no matter what trials you're going through right now, jus hang on. cont believing, trust me, you'll pull through. i love you! god bless.'.

that rely touched me. i read it and i was like 'wow!'. hahas.. she's such a nice person, and it made me happy to know that she's actually thinking of me. =) yeppx. tat rely encouraged me. i also recieved an e-mail, this time from another person. and it jus makes me smile that God wld jus allow this mail to sumhow find its way to me. and comfort my heart. im pasting it here..

Once upon a time, a wellknown painter was finishing his painting. It's an incredibly beautiful painting to be shown during Princess Diana's marriage.
>
> The painter was consumed by and excited with his own painting that he unconsciously took a few step backward while admiring the 2 x 8 m painting. He didn't look back when he walked backward. He kept on walking backward until it was a step away from the edge of the tall building. Just one more step backward and he could get himself killed.
>
> A man saw what the painter was doing and was about to shout at him to warn him when he realized that his shout might have surprised the painter and thus made him incidentaly took one step backward and fell down. The man then took a brush and paint and began to paint on the beautiful painting until it was completely damaged.
>
> Upon realising what's happenned to his painting the painter got very angry and moved forward to hit the man. However, some other people who were also present at the vicinity held him and showed him his last position which almost made him fall.
>
> Sometimes we have painted our future with such beauty and dreamed of beautiful days we will spend with our loved one. But then God seemed to destroy our beautiful painting when He sees what danger lies ahead of us.
>
> Sometimes we are angry and annoyed by what God has done to us, or we get angry to our superior in our workplace. But one thing we have to keep in our mind: God provides only the best for us, His children.

yeppx. that rely blessed me too. i think it was jus God's way of telling me that even though it seems like he has taken away all the things that i loved so much. i think he's jus tryin to tell me that it's for my own good. and that he has a reason for it. that everything's gona be alright. everything's goin to be okayy. cos he has a plan. thank you jesus! thanks so much for all these!

`u have a plan
-i trust in it Dont write me off just yet,2:55 PM jus had a crazy morning. haf a feeling tat the rest of e day aint gona be less hectic. todayy, woke up. ate breakkie, cleaned up my room abit. etc.etc. din feel too well. took sum panadol, but din rely helped much. bleahh..

got screamed at. mum was pissed cos sis din eat brekkie and she din eat ANYTHING at all except for tibits. so she scoldedher.. blah blahh.. she's gona spoil her body blah blah.. all i can say is.. why cant sis jus SHOVE sum food in her mouth and jus gif the rest of us peace and quiet for the rest of the day??

but NO. she still din eat, said tat she wasnt hungry. so den, guess who else got scolding? ME of course! mum asked me to hear up sum fish and rice so that we can both eat. me, who had eaten a heavy brekkie wif dad, was alr FULL. so i said no thank you, bt i offered to help her make her lunch. INSTEAD, she turned around and nearly bit my head of saying tat NO THANK YOU cos if i ate later she wld haf to wash e dishes twice. SO, being the NICE PERSON I AM(unike sum pple) i OFFERED to wash up for her. but NO. she din ACCEPT. she jus said tat e onli reason tat i din wan to eat was cos i wanted to play e comp.. blah blah blahh.. arghh.. and it ALL started with HER! why cant she jus learn to EAT BREAKFAST!!!

bleahh.. okayys. now im feeling better. jus soooooo pissed. all e scoldings i got todayy, cos of HER.bleahh.. later gona cut my hair at clementi. hahas.. duno why, i jus love cutting my hair now. but not changing my hair style la. jus cutting shorter abit. hahas.. yarpx

den going to orchard i think. cos mum wana sut her hair there. so meeting hui li also lorx. probably gona walk walk there. dun rely feel like doing tat. sian diao.. i miss ye la.. Dont write me off just yet,1:32 PM hello hello. hahas.. din blogg yest cos my comp broke down! so all my photos.. pics.. and songs are ALL GONE! *sobx* this is e third time this year! arghh.. so many precious precious fotos.. all all gone.. haiis..

anywaes.. yest i fell sick in skool. suddenly had fever. so wanted to go hme. but e general office din let me! cos wen dey took my temperature i din haf fever. so sat down there for like 2 hrs until they finally confirmed tat i rely WAS sick. haiis.. stupid la.. so slept for e whole day. hee..

got back my report book todayy. got fifth in class! woots! hahas.. happie.. but i think i cld haf done better, marks wise. got ALL Bs! bleahh.. and onli 1 A. kinda pathetic la.. and one C for chi. which i expected anywae.. sighh.. shall work harder.. wonder wad mum reaction is gona be..

todayys.. last day of skool. woah.. rely amazes me how time flies. this year is alr almost over. jus 2 more months! haiis.. time rely flies.. jus before we know it. its jus over a year tat ive been back in singapore. kinda hard to believe.

this year, has been such a memorable year for me, yet such a challenging one. hmmz.. ive got to know so many new people, so many new friends, and faced so many new challenges. hahas.. haf i matured? i think so. or at least i HOPE so. hahas.. i spend way more time pondering over wad ive done or said and reflecting.

hmmz.. what else? i gave my life to god once again! =) yeppx. tats a nice bright spot. hmmz.. i rely got to know god and learnt to rely love him again. yest got an sms frm faith darling. wad she said rely encouraged me. it rely reminded me, that no matter what happens. or wad im going through, god is always there. he always is there for me, to talk to, and jus there to comfort me. hmmz.. even though sumtimes things might be rough, i sldnt give up! haiis.. ive rely turned away TOO MANY TIMES this year! ive doubted TOO MANY TIMES!

next year is a new year. im gona work harder. harder in everything. my skool work. im gona study like a NERD next year. NO MORE slacking! wad miss lum said to be rely kinda IMPACTED me todayy. hahas.. almost kinda shocked me and woked me up. she said ' alyssa, you're actually quite a smart girl. and your maths is actually quite strong. you just play too much. so stop playing, next year, you're going to be in sec2. it will be ur streaming. so work hard okay?'. hahas.. i was kinda blown away. but it was true la.. i haf been slacking loads.. but jus TWO MORE MARKS! wld haf got an A.. sighh.. work harder la..

hmmz.. as for spiritually. im gona seek god again. todayy at chapel, i felt a hint of wad it was like in pog again. i rely miss church now. i reazlied tat ive lost count of e last time since i went to pog. but its been like a month since ive been to ANY church. i rely miss god now. as in, i feel ashamed. ashamed for not praising him. ashamed for not making an effort to praise him. ashamed for kicking him aside. but its all goin to end now. and here. im gona make an effort. i want to shine for his glory.

new year. new start.

`shine for your glory Dont write me off just yet,3:23 PM wahaha. todayy was a fun dayy. we din do any studying. execpt for in sci where we went thru sci papers. and in mt, basically mdam wang li jus talked to us. hahas.. the rest, is all play and NO WORK! wahaha. cool yea.

had SMSS IDOL! todayy. hee.. was so cool larx. abt 7 people join onli. but fun to watch. hehe.. elain got second place! *woots* hahas.. her voice totally rocks siiax. hahas.. first place was zhatii[[skool senior]](bleahh.. is tat how u spell her name?). her voice is rely rely super good lar! haas.. she sang wif this other gal. lol. im not sure wad's e name of e song. but hhas.. it was like e sexy sexy kind, hahas.. dey danced as well. lolx..dey can rely shake man. hahas.. we all enjoiied their performance! hahas.. im so envious of their voices! so talented!

bleahh.. so basically todayy was an okayy kinda day. wuu.. and i postponed my piano lesson! wahaha.. nottie me. cos i was feeling real tired so i smsed me teacher to tell her. hee.. rescheldue to fri. =p

hmmz.. been doing sum reflecting. realized tat ive been spending lesser and lesser time with god. my quiet time happens and 'not happens' wenever i want to. i stop praying so much. and wen i do, i think my prayers are real superficial. its like the fire in me jus died down. but i dont wan tat to happen!

dear god,
im sorry. im rely rely sorry. i didnt mean to ignor you like that. or maybe i did, but im real sorry for that. i promise that im goin to try my best to talk to you wen ever i can. im so sorry! i rely love you lord. please forgive me! im sorry..

`me Dont write me off just yet,5:09 PM todayy was a moderate day. din do much in skool. actually suppose to do make up CIP but in e end nv cos it rained quite heavily. glad tat tt happened. pulling weeds isnt exactly my idea of fun anywae. im so tired.. havent been praticing piano for e whole week. and lessons are tml!! die.. better practice later. yeppx.

where were u wen i needed you? u walked away. and now i need you by my side and ur not there. ur not being fair. Dont write me off just yet,3:55 PM i feel so tired. wonder if im in trouble. mum told me call her after i leave skool, wen i did she jus confirmed tat i was going hme den said'i want to talk to you when i go hme'. bleahh.. duno if im overreacting or wad. am i in trouble? bleahh.,. i dun even know wad i did. hope not.. jus hope tat it was jus a passing remark.
skool was lame todayy. we had to do a model of 'our dream school' with recycled items today. our class din win, wat a BIG surprise. not.

-sometimes i jus wana cry and cry and cry.
``but i control myself. Dont write me off just yet,4:56 PM in skool now. feelng damn siianx.. think im gona go hme now. bleahh.. go hme den shall log on again.. chaox.. Dont write me off just yet,4:00 PM had a dream last night. in that dream, i was in a familar place. a place where i longed to be. where i've prayed dreamed and yearned for. and suddenly, i was there. it seemed too good to be true, but it was. however, this place changed, drastically. but sumhow, i knew that i was there.
i saw many people. most of them i recognised. but sumthing was different. i cldnt feel the warmth that used to be there. sum pple looked like they cldnt see me. sum looked as if they did not know me. as for others, i cld onli see their backs. but i knew that it was them. onli sum of them smiled. it was heartbreaking, and in a way terrifying. is it rely going to be like that wen i sum day return? its kinda scary.. ive missed out on so many things. i dun feel part of it anymore. i jus wana go back.. be part of it again. be me.. Dont write me off just yet,10:35 PM hahas.. jus ta say. im glad ur alright now gal. =)

bleahh.. i feel so lonely all of e sudden. miss you guys. lots lots lots. so many things ive missed.. so heartbreaking.. Dont write me off just yet,9:17 PM wahaha.. im finally back!weeheehee.. miss my hme! lolx. yeppx yeppx. had a great yeppx. hee.. shared a hotel room wif hui li n kor(wei). hee.. we drove him crazy wif all e noise tat we maked. lolx..

bought loads of stuff.. bag, wallet, clothes, cap. hee.. etc. and ATE so much!bleahh.. im so fatt now. lolx. sld start dieting le. =p . hee.. but we rely had los of fun. i bought a COOKIIE MONSTER shirt! wahaha.. i LOVE cookie monster! he's so cute!! =D

hehe.. yeppx. we swam.. ate.. went to an amusement park. hahas.. tat was fun. it was jus a mini one but e rides were awesome. hahas.. sum were real HIGH and scary looking so we girls din sit. hee..

yeppx.. but still, am so glad to be back! hahas.. i missed my fonie! and e dear comp! weeheehee.. missed all of you guys too! =) Dont write me off just yet,8:42 PM i suddenly feel so lost. like i dont know what to do. okayy. dont ask me why. seriously, this time i RELY do not know why im feeling like this. this is crazy. i am crazy. and like i said. im twisted. bleahh.. wad sld i do? i haf no idea. okayys.. but no surprise rite? i mean, the fact tat im twisted. i AM alyssa after all. Dont write me off just yet,8:18 PM todayy was an okayy kinda day. but kinda disappointed bout sumthing. bleahh.. miss yeo asked me to be in the role play tat eldds(mii cca) is putting up tml. hahas.. was a last min kinda thing. she said cos tml sum police peeps are going to cum to our skool to talk aabt shoplifing and its consequences.. blah blah.. and wanted the eldds peeps to do a role play.

bleahh.. the roles were: the devil, an angel, narraror, the 'tempted teen'(chris) and 2 maniquenes(blehh.. duno how to spell). hee.. all e roles were taken up alr except for one.. hee.. miss yeo wanted me to take up e role of e angel. but i cannot! ahh.. cos tml going to KL! bleahh.. was so disppointed lar! i mean, it wld haf been damn cool siia! swatii and ida were going to be e narrator and e devil. hee.. divya was going to be chris and another two peeps were the maniquences. bleahh.. so unfair! hahas.. i think e others were 'auditioning' fer e angel part after skool. hahas.. feel so 'honoured'. i din haf to audition, miss yeo jus gave me tat part. hee.. but so
unfair! i cant do it! *sobx*

hmmz.. sumtimes i think. wad is going on in this world. so many people are changing, showing many many different sides of themselves tat ive never seen before. and i even wonder, will they be here? will they be here wen i need them? or will they jus disappear? it kinda scares me in a childish kind of way. no matter wad happens, it mus suck to be all alone. i hate tat feeling.

why are sum people so unsensitive? u know, i rely agree wif 'HER'. you're right, they were rely being super unsensitive. i never even in my dreams thought that tat would happen. wad's happening to all e people around me? why is everyone changing so much?

now. i not only who is me. BUT. i dont even know what happened to my frens. why haf they changed? or was it because they were always like tat in the first place n i din notice? cldnt be right? at least i hope not. arghh.. i hate growing up.

`wana go back to a land
a land where no unhappiness exsists Dont write me off just yet,4:47 PM what is wrong wif this world? what is wrong wif everybody? what is wrong wif YOU satan! piss off! i hate you! wad are you DOING?!! if you want to get at me, jus GET AT ME. stop hurting my frens! and ur not attacking jus one or two, you're attacking in fives and sixes! and the ones tat i treasure, the ones tat i love!! i hate you you bastard!

now i dont even know who am i. i dont even know if there is a 'I'. sumone's who's rely ME. and purely ME. ive losted myself. who am i? i dont know. i dont know what, or who is me anymore. damn you satan. stop playing wif my emotions! its not funny! u made me lost my sense of bearings. who is right, who is wrong. i dont know anymore. all i know is that im gone. and i dont know how to come back.

but im not going to give up. no. im not giving up OKAYY! im going to find the real ME again. im not going to continue acting anymore! one day, im going to be me again. and im NOT going to allow u to hurt the people i love! EVER AGAIN! so piss off you jerk! Dont write me off just yet,8:40 PM well, okayy. i dont rely know how to class todayy. hmmz.. it was good. but also badd. know wad i mean? okayys. it started out okayy. freaking out abt exam results. wasnt too bad. onli 8 pple in my class passed sci. hee.. glad i was one of dem. but wif a real low mark. bleahh. at least i passed, it was real tough.

lit, i scored an A2! weeheehee, first time! lolx.. happie. IH! e one i studiedSO HARD for! hahas.. it all paid off. A1!woots! hahas..true, all these havent been added to e remaining 55% tat will be added. but hahas.. but last effort was a good one.

hmmz.. e bad stuff tat happen? norrt to me. rather, my frens. dun wish to talk abt it. hmmz.. why cant dey jus live and BEAR. bleahh.. at least dey made up at e end of e day. =)

piano lessons later! ekk! Dont write me off just yet,2:51 PM damn you. damn you. DAMN YOU. wad the heck did u do to her? Dont write me off just yet,5:50 PM lalala. todayy was an okayy day. better den most days. had e last 4 periods free, so we kinda spent dem crapping around. last 3 periods i moved to sit wif cherry n tia, crapped alot. lolx.. laugh lyk siiao, den lizzie n julia joined us. so todayy was quite enjoiiable. onli thing was todayy we got back our maths, eng n chi paper! how was it? no serious comments. but wad done cannot be undone. so i jus prayed tat wen e remaining 55% of marks is added on, it'll be good enuf for mum.

to my dearest fren:

thanks so much gal. u din know this, and u even said tat u were sorry! u said tat u were sorry cos u werent there for me. but you've got it all wrong. u've always been here wen i needed u. u were the one who always comforted me and helped me find ME again. so thanks, thanks for being there in the times where i felt so alone, thanks for giving me a smile wen smiles were rare. most of all, thanks fer pouring out the love of jesus on me wen i thought that tat kind of love was impossible to feel anymore. thanks fer everything. jus wanted to say, if ur ever down, dun hesitate to gif me a call. i want to be there for you too. and lastly, keep tat smile of yours up! you down know wad wonders it does, esp fer me. i love you!

sis in christ.

Dont write me off just yet,3:24 PM its draining me out. i dont want to take it anymore. im going to go crazy. ohh gosh.. im jus so tired..

satan GO AWAY! Dont write me off just yet,7:52 PM well goodmorning! its another beautiful morning todayy. its pretty cool, not hot. jus hope wun rain ba. cos later going ta lot1 ta meet joy. hee.. neoprint! =D so long nv take neii.. hahas.. wana take!

hee.. yest night was cool cool COOL. hahas.. abt 3 plus in e night, my hp started ringing. bleahh.. saw tat it was ty, tot tat he was prank calling me towake me up. hmmz.. hahas.. but he nv put down, it jus kept ringing. so i picked up. hahas.. dey were actually conferencing, ty, esther n mel.

hahas.. dey said tat dey were having a prayer meeting thingy over e fone and were waiting fer cheryl ta call in so tat we can pray, asked me to join. hahas.. but was real tired so i went back to sleep. lolx.. but i guess god din rely wan me to sleep! hahas.. cos i cldnt sleep le.. bleahh...

lolx.. yarx. so i called dem back. so we fellowshipped alot larx.. for sum time. hmmz..yarx. den cheryl FINALLY called in. hmmz.. yarx. den we started praying. it was rely awesome. hmmz.. yarx, tats e onli way i can describe it. i think i cld rely feel god's presence there.

yeas. i think tat rely comforted me. hee.. yeppx, it relyencouragd me loads. to know tat dey still think of me and stuff. sumtimes jus feel so out of things wen i dun know wads going on anymore. hahas.. anywaes, there's loads of new peeps i heard. and im glad! dey seem to be rely nice peeps.

hmmz.. yarx. we prayed for loads of things and sum peeps. yeppx. believe tat our prayers haf reached god! hmmz.. yarx.. esther prayed fer me too! sho sweet of her rite? =) yeppx. one thing we were praying for was to grant the 'desires of our hearts' i think, sumthing lyk tat. hahas.. well. jesus, u know e desire of my heart! hahas.. any many many many people do too! YE! i miss you! do wait for me kayy! im gona come back sum day! =)))

i will find the way

jesus is gona show it Dont write me off just yet,11:10 AM hahas. okayys. i got over tat horrible temper i was in yest. todayy HAPPIE! hee.. went to taka wif my sis to c HELLO KITTY! wahaha.. so cute!! took loads of pics! =D yeppx.. even happier.. saw my darlings! i love dem SO MUCH. miss dem! *cries* been a long time since ive last hung out wif dem. bleahh.. pray for a miracle.. Dont write me off just yet,5:24 PM there are times where im neither happie nor unhappy. there are days where i feel happy and is ultra nice to everyone. but there are also days where i feel pissed and wan to scream at everyone tat i c. so dun talk to me. unless u want to get your head bitten off. Dont write me off just yet,4:07 PM well. finally got this blogskin up.. hmmz.. quite like it. but there seems to be sum problem wif e tagboard. well... if stilll cant tag den use blog comments ba.. chaox.. Dont write me off just yet,11:53 AM hahas.. sho sadd.. there's sumthing wrong wiif e html code for e skin tat i liked. so bo bian.. use back this old one cos i cldnt fine my last one. hee.. but at least found this one.. i saved it in my comp for emergencies.. hee.. lucky i did. goign for dinner at TONY ROMA'S now! hee.. mayb try to do e skin again tml. buaiis.. Dont write me off just yet,5:50 AM WOO HOOOOO! no more exams! yay! i am SO HAPPY! woots.. hadfun todayy. after skool hung out wif leanne, freya and grace.d. yeppx. we had lunch till abt 1 den went to freya's hse! hee.. was planning on taken loads of pictures but freya's cam memory as full! hahas.. sadd.. but took sum nice ones. hee.. yea. asked freya to send dem to me later. hee.. will put it on myfrenster! hee.. happy happy.. feel so free now! how was sci paper? wasnt tat goodlarx.. but okayy lorx.. blehh.. hahas.. anywaes, i can finally change my blog skin! hee! found a nice one tat day! lolx.. sum of u will find e song familar! *winks* yeppx.. shall go do it now,after checking mail or if no time den tml ba. hee.. cos daddy's bringing me to tony roma's for dinner! hee..happy! cos tat time he was suppose to bring me there for my burrfdae but for sum reason in e end cannot! hee.. but going todayy. catch u guys later!chaox! Dont write me off just yet,4:48 PM hahas.. yest at tony romas was FUN. blehh.. but e food was SO EXPENSIVE!! hahas.. but rely rely sho nice to eat! hee.. had fun there. we went to e one at suntec. wuu.. all e lil machine thingies haf those lil CHARMMY KITTY keychains and stuff! so cute! hee.. jus love it to death. hee.. going to try to find e skin tat i lyk and make it alright again. norrt sure if canfind. hee.. try try.. Dont write me off just yet,11:16 AM tml iish last day of exam! jia you! will be changing blog skin soon! hee..found areal nice one! chaox peeps! will be back in action soon!=) Dont write me off just yet,6:47 PM woah.. finally got past tis day. well okayy.. teachnically, this day isnt over yet. but oh well.. i made it hme.. blehh.. maths paper one was okayy, hopefully can do well. IH wasnt too badd larx.. i think can do.. hmmz.. norrt so sure larx.. duno good or nortt. blehh.. lolx.. but vulcanism and LOADS of stuff din come on! blehh.. angrii.. study so much nv cum out! irritating..

todayy went to macs wiif zenia to study. saw farah sho the three of us went together. was okayy at first larx. laugh lyk shit. aiya.. but to cut e long story short, i quarelled wif zenia AGAIN. irritaing..

i dont know wads wrong wif her leii.. arghh.. okayys lar, i'll be fair. mayb there's sumthing wrong wif ME. but the thing is, she's so 'xiao qi' lar.. she n farah kept doing irritating stuff, den wen i ask dem to stop dey throw e damn piece of paper at ME. dammit.. so i jus said 'idoit'.. not onli to her, to farah also kay.

farah knew tat i was kidding so she jus laugh. but zenia jus take it so seriously den she 'fan lian' at me lar. sit far far away, and farah ask her why she jus said 'cos im a idoit wad'. den she keep like tat right. i rely cannot tahan already.. i jus kept my books and told dem tat im going to get my file frm skool den im going hme le. den jus left.

pissing off.. mayb i get pissed easily now a days.. but cum on lor.. i rely cannot stand this kinda behaivour lorx. arghh.. forget it lar.. ive no time for such things already. i rely dun haf time. im rely sick of all these things. i dun wan to make an effort anymore. if can get along den good cannot den forget it lar.

i mean seriously larx. all these peoples. if dey RELY wan to be frens right. like REAL frens lyk. u'll rely tolerate larx. jus lyk joy can i, we tolerate each others nonsences larx. i dun no lar okayy. i rely duno. all tat i know is tat i have NO TIME for all these nonsencical things now! dammit..

im so sick of always being the one who tries to patch up wen we quarel. tat isnt wad frenship is abt is it? belhh.. WADEVER LAR. i dun feel like being nice. i dun wan to be the nice person anymore. i jus wan to be RUDE and BAD. den i dun need to keep up the smiley face thingy. its kinda sickk..

wadever. i have no time for this. Dont write me off just yet,5:05 PM blehh.. havent ben blogging fer e past two days. yeppx.. studying lyk siiao lyk tat. haiis.. i am like SO FREAKING OUT. tml is e IH exam and i still havent finish revising!! ahh.. im so SO DEAD. after dinner ive rely gotta bia liaox.. its rely crucial. its this, or death.

yest went to aunty jill's hse cos i asked her if she cld coach me in my construction work(maths). yeas. sho studied there fer real long. den mum called and said tat she cldnt pick me up till abt 10p.m so i stayed there. went to uncle richard and aunty nancy's hse for dinner(cos dey always go there) but they werent at hme. hee.. got to see rochey(is tat how u spell it?), lezaras(blehh.. speeling sucks), blench, coco and hutch! my goodness! dey're SO adorable! =D

studied in macs today wif zenia. joy cldnt join us cos her mum wldnt let her. yeppx. saw eve and michelle(wong) there so we joined dem. crapped alot, but studied.. hahas.. acutally it was more of me and eve studying, michelle and zenia did too larx.but hahas.. norrt as much, dey talked more..

blehh.. never rely knew eve rely well till today. hahas.. tot tat she was a kinda 'cool' and reserved person. but hahas.. was rely wrong. she's rely nice in fact, and she rely loves god. jus can tell, she kinda has a 'glow' wen she talks about it. kinda lyk faith. hahas.. =) yeppx.. she's nice to talk to. its cool to be able to know her.

mummy n daddy todayy norrt at hme cos its their anniversary todayy. yeppx.. feel so stressed out. havent been sleeping for e past few nights. had so much hist and geog in my brain! last last night i even dreamt of qinshihuang! blehh.. i din sleep until lyk 5a.m and wen i did, i reamt tat i went to ancient china! how shitty is tat.. blehh.. dey're huanting my dreams!

hahas.. but lucky mummy cooked for me my fav food. hee.. later can eat.. =D yarx.. i haf SO MUCH to say. but e truth is, i cant rmb wad i wan to say anymore! blehh.. i know, lame..took taxi hme wif zenia. yeppx.. we're okayy lerx.

todayy saw sum of my pri skool mates. my goshh.. wun mention who dey are or their skools, but seriously.. dey become so ah lian ah beng lorx.. dey're still frenly wiif me but the way dey talk to their other frens is actually hee.. to me kinda scary.. hee.. lucky i nv become lyk tat.. hmmz.. wonder if i wld if i stayed in regent.. blehh.. regent is still better den those skools. and besides.. im alyssa.. me? a pia gia? hahas.. norrt on ur life. =)

yeppx.. been praying real hard for my exams. pray for me too kay peeps? hahas.. faith! esther!hee.. basically ye peeps! blehh.. if i dun do well i wun be able to meet u guys! hahas.. miss u guys loads! hee.. trusting god tat i'll be able to see you guys soon! love yaes! chaoxx

there is none like you
no one else can touch my heart like you do
i could search for all eternity long
and find
there is none like you.

NO ONE can touch my heart like you do

iloveyou jesus
i do i do

Dont write me off just yet,6:30 PM came back frm IMM lerx. went there for dinner wiif ah yi, ah ma and hui li. siianx.. so angry.. angela sms-ed sis and asked her to ask mum whether wan to go karaoke or norrt. mum say can. but they dun let me n huili go! arghh.. cos huili haf one more paper n i still haf exam! so angry larx.. e both of us studied for e whole day leii.. still dun let us relac.. still ask us to go back home to STUDY.

den i complain to daddy. he say,'wad can i do? she dont wan to let you go wad..'. haahs.. den i 'black face'. lolx.. nv sulk tat much larx, cos i din wan to kena slap. hahas.. but abit onli. hee.. daddy see le so sweet. he put his arm around me and whisper to me ' nevermind, go home use computer okay?' hee.. so sweet rite? den he 'hong' me kai xin. buy for me the notebook tat i wanted(for e thingy tat joy n i are going to write) and a kit kat! hahas.. den i happie lerx. love daddy loads.. hee.. even thou he's such a grouch sometimes. hee.. and mummie too larx. hee.. love dem both.

yeppx yeppx. now talking den(eden) on e fone. lolx.. long time nv ctach up wif her lerx. hahas.. enjoii talking to her. miss her! hahas.. talked to kenzo todayy. also long time nv catch up wiif him lerx. lolx.. he arhx. rely 'fu le ta'. lolx.. gorrt new gf again. lolx.. asked him so intro to me, i wana see wad she looks lyk. hahas.. he say in e hols mayb we meet wif wei en and his gf den can c le lorx. hahas.. also can lar.

heee.. okayy. going to do other stuff lerx. buaii buaixx.. Dont write me off just yet,8:52 PM hahas.. i haf e whole blessed house ALL TO MYSELF. wahahahaha. happiee.. yeppx.. jus gona blog for a while, check frenster, den im going ta buckle down to STUDY! hahs.. think i'll do IH first.. rest.. den do maths.. after tat.. sci lor.. hahas.. at night i'll do lit. yarpx..

ahhh! one thing that is TERRIBLE! stress! it caused me to develop pimples! wad crapp! arghh.. and we were jus shooting at mdam yow tat stress does NOT cause pimples all the time. oh yay.. we sld haf kept quiet.. blehh.. i hate pimples! durn..

hahas.. yrx. ohh well.. so damn siianx.. NOBODY is online! sadd ssadd.. hahas.. duno wad to say lerxx. chaox. Dont write me off just yet,10:37 AM tralala. was feeling so PISSED jus now. but anywae, its all over. i dun lyk to rake bad things up anymore. now i feel lyk a FREE BIRD. jus wana rest abit todayy. MIGHT study abit later but i think probably norrt.. hee.. yea. den tml i'll study lyk nobody's buisness. hee.. jia you jia you.. come on gerl.. onli ONE MORE WEEK den i'll be 'free'. hehe.. tats is.. if im allowed to FLY. hahas.. ive been tugging on the strings for a LONG time. i wan to fly fly FLY! beem locked at home for TOO LONG! hahas.. but nahh.. i wun becum sum crazy party gerl. lolx.. anywaes.. gona chill now. tata! Dont write me off just yet,8:36 PM finally home. hmmz.. kinda cleared things up wiif joy todayy. remember e time wen we were both super close. yea.. den i kinda ignored her and stuff.. hmmz.. den we drifted.. hmmz.. it was kinda my fault larx. i sldnt haf vented all my frustrations on her even thou i was real upset. yea. well, im glad things are okayy now. cos recently had been studying wiif her n zenia marhx. yeeppx.. e two of us was talking abt sum stuff, so i tot it was time to come clean and jus tell her tat im SO SORRY tat i treated her tat way. hee.. its much better lyk tat larx. now we're closer. haf so many plans on wad to do together. hahas.. cos we rely haf so much in common larx. hahas.. she wants to be a phycologist, one of my hopes is to be a couseller'. she wans to pursue writing in her studying carrer, and i ambition to be a writer! hee.. and many many more. hahas.. glad tat things are okayy.

well, onli one thing. i kinda 'quarrelled' wif zenia todayy. i dun think it was any of our faults. i tink we jus pissed each other off to much, unknowingly. onli realized till things got tense. joy told me tat she din know wad to say. ohh well.. towards e end she was about okayy lar, cos her couz was there too. den dey kept hanging out n leaving joy n mi alone. so we were wondering if she was still angry or not. hahas.. long long story larx. dun wish to talk abt it again. but i think it'll be okayy by mon.

yeppx.. todayy i studied IH. ugh.. im rely starting to detest humanities. so many things to learn! ohh well.. study study study.. no matter how it is. i jus trust tat god will bring me thru. =D yeppx. yarx. but i rely thank god for helping me to restore my good frenship wiif joy.yeppx. thou wen i was telling her abt wad happen(and why i did all those things. a.ka.ignoring her), i tot i was going to cry. yarx.. im jus so sorry! i rely sldnt haf done tat! im sorry joy! ='(

hahas.. yarx. anywaes.. lyk mel once said, 'let the past be forgotton'. hahas.. dun rely agree fully, i tink it sld be more of 'let e unpleasant things be forgotton'. hahas.. yea, and remember e happy times. hee.. yarpx.. even thou sometimes happy memories hurt..? hmmz.. something tat only time will heal. ohh well.. in everthing, jus THANK GOD.

so i shall end here saying:
thank you jesus
i love you Dont write me off just yet,6:32 PM hahas.. jus came back hme. so tired. very very draiined out. todayy was an okayy kinda day. but i din rely pay much attention. *whoops*! hee.. im jus so so tired.. i miss e YE peeps so much! ahh.. rely rely miss dem..hope tat i do REAL WELL for mii exams.. hee.. pray for god's favor. aww.. i lost my first place in science to chan kim! hahas.. cos of my physics.. sucks.. hee.. but still in top 5.. lolx.. tied 4th place wiif leanne.. hahas.. still not bad larx.. lol..

todayy we(zenia, joy, i) went to macs to study again. yeppx. crispin came ta coach me in physics. hahas.. i tink tat i understand le ba.. hee.. but i tink he nearly vomitted blood. lolx.. he called me a moron leii! hahas.. jus cos i did e thing wrong.. mei you nai xin to teach.. hee.. tink he's going out wiif chole tml, hahas.. tats y tml cannot teach me. lolx. feel so siianx. exams is next week! hahas.. mus rely buck up! hahas.. jia you jia you! hee.. god will help me! yea! i feel so energized for some reason. even thou tensions are high, i jus feel god's wonderful presence wif me. its so wonderful. hee.. love yaes! ~muah~

my life aint perfect. but i jus know that at the end of the day, everything's gona be fine. you're in control. you know what's best for me. i know that you have a plan. thanks for forgiving me. im sorry for turning away. i dont know if this is where it all ends, but i jus trust that whetehr it is or not, its your will. if you want me here, i will stay. if not, you will work in your ways. cos you are YOU. the great I AM.

crucified. laid behind the stone
you lived to die
rejected and alone
like a rose
trampled on the ground
you took the fall
and thought of me
above all.

thank you jesus. thanks so so much
i love you! =)

Dont write me off just yet,6:01 PM ahh... home sweet home.. duno why, jus missed home todayy. yeppx.. hahas.. todayy had chi listening compre. was okayy lar. but how was it? lolx.. tell ya e truth, i haf NO IDEA. jus completely forget how it went. hee.. weird rite? yarx, i know. yuppx.. im kinda bored now. later gorrt piano. hee.. i STILL havent done my hw! hee.. later den do ba.. im feeling lazy.. yeppx.. i love e charmy kitty(aka hello kitty) tat i got yest! hee.. joy buy for me derx. frm those turnie lil machiny thingies. hahas.. so sweet of her right? lolx.. yarx. joy iish niice to me. hee.. but i always bully her. lolx.. nahh.. im also nice to her kayy.. hee.. but i love e lil kitty thingy! hee.. and i also bought e lil cinnamon doggie thingy e other day, so CUTE. my goodness.. i love those things. adorable! yup yup. hee.. nothing much to say lerx. blog again wen i can think of sumthing. byes! Dont write me off just yet,3:58 PM woots.. chi exam finally over! hahas.. how it was? no serious comments.. all tat im glad is tat its OVER. hmmz.. jus trust tat god will take kare of it lorx.. sigh.. got into TROUBLE todayy! hahas.. even im surprised. hee.. ME getting into trouble in SCHOOL. hahas.. i was caught 'vandalising' e school table.. lyk crapp larx.. i drew one leetle line on e damn table and miss soh saw! ahh.. she screwed me up so badly. and made me clean e WHOLE CLASSROOM as a punishment. summore haf to find out wad will happen if i vandalise outside and e consequences, den giif it to her tml. hope she wun gif me a demerit! hahas.. i also dun wan to do PWO k.. so malu-ating.. ahh.. hahas.. i shall throw in a apology'cum reflection note for her plus e infor she ask me to find. hope tat tat will appease her.. i mean come on lar.. jus one lil line.. on e damn table.. idoit..
din study much todayy but still got study lar. hahas.. better den zenia n joy, hahas.. dey talked all e way.. onli i so guaii.. lolx.. tonight mus do piano hw.. but mus do.. hee.. second week nv do lerx.
oh yeas.. e performance on sunday. my gosh.. dey look so CUTE! hahas.. i loved pastor's joseph's GRASSHOPPER! hahas.. he rely look so cool! and also hamz's derx bear, and ah gong's flamingo! hee.. but it ended so soon.. had a nice time chattin wiif almost all of dem.. bt it ended so soon.. onli lyk 2-3 hrs or so.. sianx.. but tat kinda made me miss them more.. hmmz..
thought tat i was healed but im actually still hurt inside. e scar is still there.

scars. cant feel them when you push them at e back of your head. but when you touch it again.. it hurts more then ever.

`i want them to disappear.. i dun wan to feel hurt any more

-never going to be immune to pain Dont write me off just yet,6:24 PM phew.. studied so much todayy. studied wiif joy and zenia after skool till 5:30p.m. we're plannign a study marathon for this whole week and e remaining days left next week. dun care! we're going to score well for e exams! and if i dun, i know tat ive done my best. yeppx. performance yest was awesome AWESOME! but no time to talk abt it now. probably wun be blogging much in e next 2 weeks. update later! chaox! Dont write me off just yet,6:58 PM i know what to do now. stay entirely out of this. stay away. jus talk.. its okayy, but jus leave it as it is. yea. Dont write me off just yet,2:45 PM well, its another beautiful morning again. sundayy again. tiis would be e 12th week le. yeppx, time flies yea. its been 3 months guys! cant believe tat it has been so long! i miss u guys! hahas.. so happie, can c u guys again later! hee.. elated. haf loads of things to catch up! yeppx.. better go study lerx. den can haf a happie happie time wiif u peeps! love yaes! ~muah~ Dont write me off just yet,2:36 PM woah.. its so amazing how god rely knows how to use his his people! jus wen im feeling so down and out, i open up my inbox.. and wad do i see? a mail from a gal who i only talk to occasionally. sarah! hahas.. thiis gal, e one tat always stand behind mi in assembly. can talk alot larx. but norrt considered very good fren, hee.. but i like her larx. she's so cute, and nice to talk to. thank god for sarah! here's wad she wrote:

"Dear friends, i am here to tell u not to turn away from God. He loves us. look at the state of the world's in .. hurricanes, rebellions, revolts and other disasters. NOw there's an recent report saying that there's another new virus which can be spread in the air, the worst thing is that scientist has predicted that this virus can kill up to 150 million ppl in the world. IS THIS NOT THE SIGNS GOD IS SHOWING US? IS THIS THE END OF THE WORLD? we don't know. but all i know is that what god really want is that we love him back and accept him as our saviour. IS THAT SUCH A HARD TASK TO ACCOMPLISH? look at what the son of god did for us , human beings. He died on the cross just to pay our human race debts and sins. I JUST WANT TO LET YOU PPL KNOW THAT JESUS HAS PAID A VERY HUGE PRICE FOR US TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD..now why cant u? so some of u ppl may be wondering what should u do now. THats simple. Ask god for forgiveness for all your wrong doings and ask god for mercy over the nation.AS it is said in the bible, god is a forgiving god. I REALLY HOPE THIS HAS TOUCHED YOUR HEARTS TO REPENT.. AND I HOPE YOU WILL PASS MY MESSAGE TO MANY MORE PPL WHO HAS YET TO ACCEPT CHRIST. WE WANT THEM TO BE SAVED BY GOD AND SO IT IS OUR DUTIES AS CHRISTIANS TO RELAY THIS MESSAGE TO THE UNBELIEVERS. MAY GOD BLESS YOU MY FRIENDS."

is that cool or what? this really encouraged me lots. it really touched me that someone would take time to write an e-mail jus to remind others about god's love. it reminded me that even in the times when it feels lyk no one cares, GOD cares. and that he loves me. it reminded me that he is IN CONTROL. that one lil e-mail really gave me lots of encouragment. i believe that it was god that put it into sarah's heart to send it to me. yeppx. thank you god for sarah! i really love her loads! yea. it really means alot to me when i get stuff lyk these. stuff that people had actually wrote with their heart and not jus send a forward mail to show that they 'care'. i mean, come on. i get those frenship mails from pple i dun even know! and i bet sum of dem dun even gif a damn!

hmm.. yea. i think that after knowing how important god is to my life and how much he loves me, i've really grown up alot. no matter how childish or immature u think me as, i know that ive changed. god has really changed so much of my life. how i speak, how i act and basically my whole life. i dun speak so much vulgur language anymore, i try to stop it wen they come tumbling out. i try to be gracious and be more forgiving. most importantly, i've learnt to love .i think that one of e most important things that god has told me is 'love everyone. jus like i loved you'. cos its lyk, if i dun love others, how can i expect others to love me? and i believe that no one can live without love. so i jus wan to spread god's love with everyone around me, chrisitan or not.
hahas.. okayy. mayb i sldnt haf used e word damn, tats a bit harsh on those peeps. but wadever. all i want to say is, to all my non christian frens, or other non christians out there. wen u read this, you might think that im crazy. you might think that im living in sum sick dreamworld where everyone lives happily ever after. but im telling you that im not. and i want to tell you that it okayy to think that of me. cos u probably dont know how it feels to have god with you. I dont blame you one bit. i jus hope and pray that someday you'll get to know god.
and u might laugh at me for being 'religious', but chrisitianity is more den a religion. its a relationship. i know that its hard to understand. i found it hard to understand. but now i stand with my god. i know that he's in control. i leave it to you to decide whether you wan to find this kind of peace. im not going to force you cos ur my frens. but i jus wan to let you know, that if u ever want to find out more, do please ask me! i might not be able to ans ur questions, but i'll try my very best to explain. i love you guys!

do take kare peoples! jus remember, im here for you! whenever you need me jus call me! i'll be here! i love you! =D Dont write me off just yet,10:14 PM oh my goshh.. i haf NO IDEA wad is wrong wif me kayy. arghh.. jus feel pissed off and all stressed out. jus now nothing to do, jus bang out tunes on e piano. arghh.. den went kidna crazy. played [[waves of daubue]] over and over again! come to think abt it.. my poor poor neighbours.. i tink dey had to hear tat song playing over n over again for a more den half an hr ba.. hahs.. it was so crazy larx.. nv played tat song so many times before. i even lost track of wad i was playing lar. jus play play play until i press e wrong key. looked at e time n realized tat i had been playing fer a long time. play until sis cannot tahan me, ask me to STOP PLAYING. hahas.. i was so badd.. ignored her. continued playing. until i c she wan to fa fong le den i stop. now my fingers are HURTING lots lots and lots! but at least i banged all my frustratiions out.. wad frustrations?? dun ask ME! my gosh.. i also haf NO IDEA. jus felt so bek cek and irritated wif everything. my goodness.. duno wads wrong wiif me. duno if its stress or jus pms. hahs.. but now feel better.. hee.. music rely helps me to cool down.

but ohh yea.. here's one thing:
I MISS MY HP!!!

but my poor piano! mus be so worned out wiif me playing so vigourously for such a long time! but nvm.. now i knwo tat next time im pissed, i can jus indulge myself into it! hee.. i love ~[[waves of daubue]]~!!! ahh.. finger paiin finger paiin! nvm lar.. later tonight go n shui jiao. shuai hao le tml i sld feel fine le ba.. okayy. yar i know, im crazy. ohh well.. tml going to c most of e YE peeps le! yay! can see all my darlings and dears! so long nv c them! miss dem so much! hahas.. but tml before i go mus hurri bia e stuff tat i havent revise. jia you!
chaox..

`fingers hurting
``in pain but alright Dont write me off just yet,9:13 PM ahhh.. had a real crazy day todayy.. got SO pissed off wif my mum larx.. study lyk crapp lyk tat but she jus keep scolding scolding scolding.. think abt it also 'qi'! haiis.. norrt my fault tat hui li called me right? jus cos i talked for lyk 5 mins she yelled at me. 'keep talking on the fone! always never study!' ugh.. sho irritating.. got so damn pissed. den she told me to play piano for her, by tat time i already bu shuang lor. but mian qiang, jus play a song. mei xiang dao.. she STILL scold me. say wad never practice e song tat my teacher teach me.. etc.etc. den wen i play loud she say i do it purposely by showing her at im not happie at her.. wad crap la.. lyk its my fault tat the score says cresendo lyk tat larx. DEN! tis is the ulimitate thing tat made me SO chessed off. she TOOK MY HP! arghhh.. she went out and said tat she was aking my hp. bo bian, cannot do anything, jus let her take. SIIAN LAR. cant believe she took my hp! haiis.. damn shitty larx.. haiis.. wad can i do? nothing lorx.. stay at hme.. lucky she not here lar.. relac for a while den go study again lor.. siianx.. Dont write me off just yet,7:40 PM well, its a beautiful saturday morning! hahas.. norrt such a good day for studying, feel lyk getting out of e house! hahas.. but no choice larx. tue is chi exam! ohh noooo.. hahas.. anywaes, good news! going to e performance tml! woo hoo! praise god! wahaha.. so happie! hee.. but today mus rely 'bia mia' study for chi! hahas.. i PROMISE! im onli going to be on e comp for a LITTLE while! hee.. going to study study STUDY after this. yea! =) Dont write me off just yet,11:13 AM