here i am again.torn to pieces.cant deny.cant pretend.im broken up deep inside.i cnat breathe anymore. but u aint going to see the tears i cry. no satan. you shant win!

---be wif me lord--- Dont write me off just yet,7:58 PM im falling over the edge
im staggering to stand up striaght
my breath comes out in sighs
my shoulders sag in despair
how long more?
how long more is this going to go on?
im hanging on to what i have
hanging on as tight as possible
i cant see it
i cant touch it
but im leaning on it
holding on
on you jesus..

---rescue me--- Dont write me off just yet,7:54 PM hmm.. today's open hse was ok, quite fun i guess. instead of being a caisher i switched to become a reporter! lolx.. tanya was my camera man.. yea.. was pretty cool, we had press passes, a camera and a rely cool mike. yea.. was fun interviewing those peeps who came.

feelin abit down today thou..

---i need ur joy lord--- Dont write me off just yet,7:20 PM haiis.. feelin so so drained.. tired tired.. in abt 1 an a half hrs time gotta go skool for open hse.. duno y.. jus dun feel lyk going..

hmm.. duno y.. woke up wif a heavy heart tiis morn. yest night was ok i guess. was niice to c e peeps agaiin.. but aiya.. i duno lar.. its jus tt that lil burden in my heart as appeared again.. hmm.. pray pray.. had a long long talk to god last night.. but i dun no y.. i cant get an answer..

---needing an answer from god--- Dont write me off just yet,9:39 AM ohmygosh! today was soooo cool! cluster arts festival was sooo cool! hahas.. e CME presentation went rely rely well, hehe.. i LOVE my work, lolx.. its rocks man! hehe.. yea..

at abt 11a.m freya(our sec1 level rep) n i reported to e booth place. hehe.. den together wif tanya(president of ELDDS) , Ida(vp) and the other level reps, we did it all up! hehe.. it looked so SO awesome! hehe.. so artsy! hehe.. i loved it so so much! lolx.. of course lar! we worked so hard! i tink over 2 hrs just getting everything PURRRECT! but it was real fun doing it too!

yep yep.. den after welcoming the VIP(who ever tt person is) our booth was officially open! hahas.. tanya n i did the facilliating.. hehe.. was so so cool.. but rely get SO thristy after alking and talking and yet again TALKING.. lolx.. summore i was on full day shift so tt meant tt i was talking for almost lyk 6 hrs straight(not excluding rest time)! hahas.. een thou got real real thristy, it was SO MUCH FUN! lolx..

yea.. n crispin actually came!he said tt he'd cum abt 2 plus, so abt 2:30 i went downstairs to look for him.. lolx.. but wen i went downstaris,he had actually found his way to our booth to look for me. hahas.. n i wasnt there! lolx.. it was kinda fun rely, cuz abt half an hr after he came, e pple started cuming lesser(lolx.. muz be his influnce..scare our visitors away!=p), lolx.. so just sat around n crapped abt wif malisa, ida n cherry. was kidna ironic thou, pple keep thinkin tt he was mii bf.. yea right.. lyk even if i had one i wld NOT bring him to skool! lolx.. so den we did this rely crappy thing saying that we were brothers n sisters.. lolx.. malisa actually believed us! hahas.. but i tink tt cherry new tt we werent.

lolx yea.. den it was so WEIRD, cuz malisa started asking questions lyk, 'den how cum he looks indonasian(he's eurasion), n u look chinese?' lolx.. n lots of stuff lyk tt.. hahas.. we jus laughed it off n she din ask anymore.. lolx.. den after tt we say tt we bluff her de, say tt we're actually cousins.. lolx.. its was kinda silly rely, den after TT.. we said tt actually his mum was my mum's fren or sumting.. not so sure, we jus made things up as we went.. lolx.. den said wad he came to singapore to study from indonasia n tt my parents were his foster parents.. lolx.. so crappy! but e crazy thing was tt malisa believed us! hahas.. i rely wanted to laugh SO MUCH. lolx..

hahas.. den after EV3ERYHING, was waiting for dad n mum to pick mi up. lolx so was sitting wif grace and xiao ying. lolx.. we crapped SO MUCH. hahas.. den grace left, sho xiao ying n i jus sat down there eating i tink.. chocolate apple??? hahas.. sumting lyk tt, n drank coke! hehe.. duno y, but it was kidna fun jus hanging out there.. =) heh.. sho funi, den she was saying at her booth sum peeps were staring at crispin, said tt he was CUTE. i was lyk WHAT? dey tink tt HE is cute?? lolx.. ok.. i no tt im being mean, but seriously, tt was my reaction. lolx.. den xiao ying laughed n laughed n laughed. hahas. .she said tt she told dem tt he was my bf and dey were lyk 'huh!? rely arh? is alyssa's bf arh? better not c le..' lolx.. i heard tt i rely laughed lor.. im ean come on! crispin leh! lolx.. so NOT my type.. lolx.. gona SO tease dem wen i c dem tml!

hehe.. yea.. it was kinda interesting lar. havent rely talked to xiao ying much til the past few days. hahas.. she's rely cute the way she talks.. yea. sat down there talkin n talking abt soo many things, frm church to sibling to parents etc.etc. quite interesting, din no tt i'd haf so many things to talk wif her! hahas.. life amazes me everyday!=)

yea, den tml its open house! hahas.. abt 5 hrs of doing wad i did today AGAIN! lolx.. its real fun, but duno if my voice can hold out man! lolx.. just haf to go on talking even if i dun no wad to say! but its so so fun! hahas.. but no worries de lar, hopefully if im stuck den tanya can help me, or sumone else. but tml lots of pple cant cum! ahh! hope tt we wun be alone! we will diie! lolx..

hahas.. tiis day ish jus goin to get better n better, not endiing yet! hehe.. going to leave for COMBINE CELL soon! yiipppeeeeee! hehe.. im so exicited! lalala.. jesus is so SO awesome! hahas.. i love you jesus!

---he turned my mourning into dancing--- Dont write me off just yet,6:39 PM phew.. just finished rushing out e CME project thingy tt melissa, mii n lizzie gott a present tml. hahas.. actually, im pretty happiie wif e outcome, its good quality man! hahas. esp for a last min thingy. took me abt 3 hrs or so, but it looks real nice now! =)

hahas.. i rmb onli 2 wks ago i decided to stop biting my nails. hahas.. i tink tt ive nearly cured e habit but sumtimes i'll still get e temptation! ahh! lolx.. but now dey're abit longer.. lol.. i realised tt it feels abit funi now typing lyk tt, hahas.. cuz of e finger nails.. but i tink i haf to cut dem soon cuz its rely hard to play e piano lyk tt.. dey're getting in the way! lolx.. yea.. mayb tml

hmm.. crispin said tt he might be coming to e cluster arts festival tml. lolx.. is tt cool or wad? he said tt he'd call me. hehe.. saying tis once again, im so excited! hahas.. tml is goin to be a good good day im sure! yea.. faith said tt she might try to cum too! hehe.. wld be nice to c her again even thou if she din go i'd be seeing her in e night anyway! =p

lolx.. yea.. just goin to hang abt on e com fer a lil while, den do QT and SLEEP le. lolx.. yea.. still haf to prepare my stuff fer tml! hehe.. cool cool coool!

---smiling happily.jesus rocks my life--- Dont write me off just yet,9:54 PM hehe.. just finished eating dinner. reached hme abt 6.20p.m cuz had eldds just now. hahas.. was pretty cool, we discussed wad we were going to do for tml cluster arts n sat(open hse)! hahas.. so so cool! will be maning e booth wif tanya(eldds senior) on both days. lolx.. its gona be rely rely fuun!

hehe.. im sho sho excited! lolx.. n tml after cluster arts also haf e combined cell group! hahas.. apostle and pastor sally are cumin back to s'pore tml in the afternoon sho we're meeting at eagles nest at nite. hehe.. and also celebrating pastor sally's b'day!

hahas.. i cant wait fer tml! its gona be such a busy day! but yet so so fun! haahs.. happiie happiie happiie!

---jesus fiills my liife wif joy!--- Dont write me off just yet,7:25 PM just came hme. went to king albert park wif mum n sis fer macs.. hehe.. soo niice.. even thou i was so full.. hehe.. im such a piig.. but nt my fault tt mum wanted to go to king albert rite? hahas.. but it was cool

yay yay! tis fri haf combined cell group! shoooo happie! looking forwards to it! hopefully can go ba.. still nt tt sure.. but muz pray pray pray! can go de! sure can de! lolx.. =) yea, coz on fri still got e cluster arts thingy, hahas.. lucky i told them tt im only going to do half day, not full day coz if i do full day den it wld end at 6 plus.. hahas.. i tink half day wld end at abt 4:30p.m, sld be able to rush hme! lolx.. looking forwards! =D

---jesus fills my heart with joy--- Dont write me off just yet,4:52 PM haiis.. am so sooo tired.. now at skool waiting for mum to pick me n siis up coz yest she worked whole day till morn, sho today she has a day off.. saiid tt she's goiing to pick us up..

woah.. realized tt i was rely irritatable today. got rely rely irritated wif lotsa things. snapped at joy cuz i was so irritated wif her n she din go away wen isaid 'go away'.. hahas.. she just stood there, den i cant rmb wad she said to me, but i was alreadi so pissed off tt i yelled at her 'I SAID GO AWAY!' lolx.. thinking back.. i was rely mean, it rely wasnt her fault, haha.. but cldnt stand it.. yea..

den in lit we had to act out thingy, and tis particular gerl who i sat beside was being so un cooperative! we asked her which role she wanted to play, she just sat down there giving us a black face, we gave her a role, she still black face! was so angry tt i blew up at her and asked her WHAT WAS HER PROBLEM, den she just din say anything and mubled to herself..hahas.. but was rely rely irritated by tt cuz she was wasting our time.

haiis.. my chi test din go too well today, cldnt write so many of the words! just cldnt rmb.. sianz.. my memory ish gettin worse n worse each day! lolx.. yea.. but just hopiing and prayiing tt i'd be able to at least scrap by with a pass! hahas.. yea.. but had one good news today, i tied the second place for e lit test wif freya! hahas.. we were both sho happiie! hehe.. e first place was tied by leanne n sarah.

yea.. sho basically so drained out.. tis is going to be a long week.. hahas.. e horriible phyiics test on mon, e even more terriible chi test today.. n got maths test tml! ahh.. and gotta present e stupid eng presentation tml! fri is cluster arts festival, and sat is open hse! so so so SO busy tis wkk.. summore next mon got IH test.. practically drowining in all these things.. thank GOODNESS i haf jesus!

---jesus lessens my workload--- Dont write me off just yet,2:58 PM hahas.. had an awesome awesome day today! hahas.. thou skool was so so tediious and got soooo piissed off wif miiss chan! seriously! tt teacher arh! cant stand her! lolx, but anywaes.. tts not wad i wan to talk about.

hmm.. was waiting for e bus to tk us to the sci center fer excursion wif liizzie, triciia, leanne, bahar n freya. lolx.. was rely rely funniii cuz we crapped alot. lolx.. totally totally lame stuff.. lolx.. esp bahar n lizziie, lolx.. dey're crazy.. talkiin abt totally illogical stuff. lolx.. yea. hmmz.. the excursion was ok lar, just went to sum weird DNA lab thingy n learnt abt dna. hmm.. den just lyk played wif bateria cells.. hahas.. tt was kinda cool..

hahas.. but e coolest thing was tt i got to share wif sum of e girls abt god! hahas.. on e way back to e bus(to go back to skool), dun quite know what we were talkin abt.. hahas.. i think it started out frm christian denominations, to the second coming of christ, haahs.. den graudually abt mine and leanne's christian life. hmm.. very interesting. cuz triciia was askiing me how cum i suddenly changed(agaiin!).

yea.. so den i just told her abt it lor. hahas.. wrote it on my blog before.. cant be bothered to write again. lolx.. yea, it was rely powerful cuz leanne n ii just shared wiif her how god found us. even thou triciia is also a chriistian, yea.. hmm.. dun rely know how she felt abt it but she seemed pretty interested and kept asking us to tell her about it, hahas.. and she kept saying 'you two are so holy!' lolx.. yea, just rely hoped that wad we said touched her! =)

yup yupz.. tt rely made my day! lolx.. its so awesome to be able to tell sumone abt jesus! lolx... so so cool! hope tt we stirred sumthing up in her! hahas.. but tml got chi test so better go study le! lolx.. buaiis!

---jesus, ur so awesome--- Dont write me off just yet,7:58 PM hahas.. just fiiniished eatiing diinner.. so so fuulll.. lolx.. just now after skool mummiie n daddiie came ta piick me n siis up. lolx.. on e way hme we drove through macs n bought friies n iice-cream! mmm... sho sho niice!

macflurry! ii love macflurry! hahas.. iim gona get so so fat manz.. lolx.. eat friies, den eat macflurry. lolx.. but cant resiist leh.. lolx.. shooo niice! hahas.. cuz berii long neber eat macs le. kekex..

yea.. hahas.. now so bored, just goin to use com til abt 8p.m ii guess? den go study again lorz.. lolx.. but nobody onliine lehz.. onlii liian jye, e rest is eiither status put to 'busy' or away or wadever.. lolx.. siian siia..

---the joy of the lord is with miiex--- Dont write me off just yet,7:33 PM woah.. so so so stressed out now.. my gosh.. my phyics test rely did NOT go well today.. honestly, i rely tink tt i flunked it.. arghh.. i was so panicky tt i forgot all of my formula-es and SI units! my gosh.. din even dare to tell mum abt it, scared she scold me.. but i t was sooo difficult! im so scared fer e results! cant believe tt i forgot everything wen i studied so hard for it!! :'(

yea.. so stressed also cuz haf got a project due on wed, e same day as my MT test! the whole of book part 1 u no! the book is so thick! arghh.. n e stupid miss chan onli told us abt e prject TODAY! how to finish? does she tink tt we're super kids or wad? how to meet up today after skool after physics test? tml summore got sum lame excursion thingy.. onli finish at 5p.m, go hme must study for chi.. how to do e freakin project?? n thur got maths test! oh jesus.. pls pls help me.. on the verge of having a stress breakdown..

haiisx..

im desperate for you lord
desperate for your love
seeking for your comfort
relishing in your word
dont care what others says now
coz im running after you
not going to turn and go their way lord
cuz all i want is you
its you im following today
im running after YOU

---jesus will pull me thru--- Dont write me off just yet,4:35 PM haiisx.. has been a long long week.. reached hme frm church at abt 4:30 just now.. woke up at 6:30 and went back to sleep.. kept waking up tis morn, cldnt sleep lar.. den abt 8 plus just woke up n did stuff. waited fer mum, dad and sis to get out of the hse den i prepared my stuff n left.

reached church pretty early.. met peace n walked there wif her. the intercessors were still praying so we waited outside. yea.. den esther arrived.. hmm.. i tink tt she joined MM? not sure, but she was singing today, and she played the trombone! hahas.. way cool.

yea. e service was pretty good today. but lots of pple werent there, lyk desiree,lian jye,rina,crispin etc.etc. it was pastor frankie who preached. i rmb him saying sumting about holding on to god's promises and not to let go coz sumtimes wen people are just abt to get wad dey ask for, dey gif up and dun get it.. hmm..also stuff lyk the thing that we need is ANNOITING, that hearing the word is not enough because we dont onli need information but also TRANSFORMATION. yea..

hmm.. stuff lyk.. erm.. waiting upon the lord because he will fufil it in his own time. and not to let the devil rob u of your joy, to stand upright because when the spirit of god is with you, you will be strong. even though waiting is the hardest challange of all, do not depart from the peace of god no matter wad. the emphasis was to wait. just wait and endure, not to give up but to cling onto the promises because if we seek first the kingdom of god, all the good things will follow after.

we must know that we are valuable and that to jesus, we're all WORTH IT. to him, we're all worth the price that he had to pay for us!we need to be filled with the holy spirit to be a witness and to save souls. we have to rise up and build ourselves up to be able to contain the annoiting of god for it can either heal u or kill u. and tt someitmes we have to sacrifice some stuff but just to remember tt the price he paid was so many times worse than wad we have to go through.

lastly, to be imitators of our teachers and to follow in their good works. not to despise little annoitings because god will annoit ur head wif oil and ur cup will over flow. when the annoiting comes, ur faith will be empowered and we will be able to see things clearly, den we will see results.

yea. altogether, it was rely an awesome service. then pastor frankie opened up e front for altar call. i wanted to go out but was very very hesitant, din dare to. so i just sat there and sang wif e others. hmm.. yea. den later faith went to e toilet but din cum back to her seat, i tink she sat at the back wen she returned. yea. en peace went up for prayer so i was left alone i nthe empty row, but just dun care n sing lor.. hmm.. i rely rely RELY wanted to go up but just din dare to lor. den rachel came over and hugged me real tight, as soon as she did tt, i just started crying and cryin. she just kept quiet and hugged me, n told me tt it was ok, and tt she was there. so we just stood there hugging each other while i cried n cried. den she prayed for me, but we still stayed in tt position. yea.. cuz i was still feelin all the hurt n pain inside of me that i just had to let it all out.

hmm.. after church.. we stayed back to sing summore, but just a lil while this time cuz service ended late. hmm.. den we were abit indecisive about where we wanted to go to eat lunch. den duno wait here wait there. in the end, aunty gwen and e rest of e adults left first while me,ty,ham n mel waited for rachel. lolx.. e funi thing was tt after waiting for some time, we called her n she asked us to go first so e 4 of us caught a cab to e place(lolx.. i dun even no wad its called). was kinda funi tt we used almost all coins to pa e taxi driver, hehe.. coz we just pooled all our coins together and paid lyk tt.. hehe..

yea.. lunch was pretty good i guess. just ate and crapped around, laughed and stuff.. den aunty nancy n uncle richard gave me a lift to bukit timah. hmm.. yea.. it was onli wen i was on my way hme on e bus tt i just.. hmm.. i duno y. i just felt lyk i had tis burden in my heart. something tt was pressing me so hard that i couldnt breathe, and also stuff that have been troubling me for such a long time. i felt rely rely terrible and felt lyk crying. dun no y. just felt so so horrible.. yea.. wen i got hme i just continued feeling lyk tis, having no idea why. yea.. den i sms-ed faith and she gave me a few verses to read. dey kinda comforted me abit. i rmb two of them:

therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about its own things. sufficient enough for the day is its own trouble. Matthew6:34

also another one:

come to me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and i will give you rest. take my yoke upon you and learn from me for i am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

yea.. i guess its the size of my faith.. its not tt great. but im rely tryin to trust in god and believe that he rely has a plan. he DOES have a plan! its all his doing.. he's goin to make everything alright..

---giving my burden to jesus--- Dont write me off just yet,5:46 PM arghh... cannot look at the clock! everytiime ii look at the time, ii'll just thiink about wad e YE peeps are doiing now! hmm.. not lookiin at the clock.. it sld be abt 3 plus, going to 4 soon.. *sigh*.. tiis is so diifficult.. but not as hard as i expected i guess...?

yea.. spent e whole day at hme today.. doiing hw..hse work.. revision.. n i STILL get yelled at.. so unlogical.. haiisx.. cant wait fer tml.. yea.. miiss dem sooo much! cant beliieve im miising out.. haiisx.. nbermind lorz.. later spend tiime wiif mummiie.. den go out fer diiner wif her and ah yii.. siianz.. actually diin wan to go de, and mum let me lorz.. but daddiiee say i cannot stay at hme.. stupiid lar.. i dun wana go out.. bleh..

feel so so sianz.. miss YE.. but must be strong yeas.. obey..obeyed..obeying.. so so hard..

---my strength comes from the lord--- Dont write me off just yet,3:53 PM hmm.. mayb today wun be so bad after all yea? ts alreadi bout 12:30.. hmmz.. done finished mi hw.. later muz do d&t.. sianz.. haiisx.. must ask god fer e strength to go through tis day! duno how.. sianz lar.. thinking abt wad dey're going to do today.. think also dun wan to think le, after tt sad again.. haiisx.. lucky tml haf church! but hiya.. onli one day.. oh well.. making e best of things, yea?

hmmz.. got a n e-mail frm peace, hahas.. quite lyk tis poem.. nice..:

He Is.....
He is the First and Last,
the Beginning and the End!
He is the keeper of Creation and the Creator of all!
He keeps the Architect of the universe and
the Manager of all times.
He always was, He always is, and He always will be...
Unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated, and never Undone!
He was bruised and brought healing!
He was pierced and eased pain!
He was persecuted and brought freedom!
He was dead and brought life!
He is risen and brings power!
He reigns and brings Peace!
The world can't understand him,
The armies can't defeat Him,
The schools can't explain Him, and
The leaders can't ignore Him.
Herod couldn't kill Him,
The Pharisees couldn't confuse Him,
and The people couldn't hold Him!
Nero couldn't crush Him,
Hitler couldn't silence Him,
The New Age can't replace Him,
and Donahue can't explain Him away!
He is light, love, longevity, and Lord.
He is goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, and God.
He is Holy, Righteous, mighty, powerful, and pure.
His ways are right,
His word is eternal,
His will is unchanging,
and His mind is on me!
He is my redeemer,
He is my Savior,
He is my guide,
and He is my peace!
He has invested more in me than anyone else ever could or ever will~
He is my Joy,
He is my comfort,
He is my Lord,
and He rules my life!
If all others forsake me...
He will be here!
I serve Him because His bond is love,
His burden is light,
and His goal for me is abundant life. I
follow Him because He is the wisdom of the wise,
the power of the powerful, t
he ancient of days,
the ruler of rulers,
the leader of leaders,
the overseer of the overcomers,
and the sovereign Lord of all that was and is and is to come.
And if that seems impressive to you,
try this for size.
His goal is a relationship with ME!
He will never leave me,
never forsake me,
never mislead me,
never forget me,
never overlook me,
and never cancel my appointment in His appointment book!
When I fall, He lifts me up!
When I fail, He forgives!
When I am weak, He is strong!
When I am lost, He is the way!
When I am afraid, He is my courage!
When I stumble, He steadies me!
When I am hurt, He heals me!
When I am broken, He mends me!
When I am blind, He leads me!
When I am hungry, He feeds me!
When I face trials, He is with me!
When I face persecution, He shields me!
When I face problems, He comforts me!
When I face loss, He provides for me!
When I face Death, He carries me Home!
He is everything for everybody, everywhere, every time, and every way.
He is God,
He is faithful.
I am His,
and He is mine!
My Father in heaven can whip the father of this world.
So, if you're wondering why I feel so secure, understand this...
He said it and that settles it.
God is in control,
I am on His side,
and that means all is well with my soul.
Everyday is a blessing for GOD Is!
Because He is,
I am!

hahas.. is tt cool or wad?? so so soooo true! =) nice eh.. duno which webbie she got it frm.. hahas.. everyday's a blessing frm god. =)=)

---god is in full control--- Dont write me off just yet,12:53 PM hahas.. was talkin to aunty gwen on e fone just now.. love talkin to her! i love aunty gwen! hahas.. she's rely awesome. cant wait to c her on sun!

yea.. now chattin wif her online.. hahas.. she's rely so... WISE. lolx.. she told me many many many things. she said this lil trouble was onli a hip-cup of my long journey with God on earth and that no storms, no tsunami will stop me from loving God cuz i've got it in my heart already.
she said tt if god is for me den who can be against me right?(hehe.. love tt song), but still haf to honour my parents, which is true yea..

she also told me that when we trust God together,God will work out things beautifully in His time ...coz he's is never early, He is never late, however He is always right on time.=) hmmz.. wow.. she said so many things.. wad else?"God is doing a deep work in your life and He has brought for a healing process in your life.He puts a deep love in your heart to love people"hmmz.. pretty true! yea.. praise god!


yea.. she also said tt if we want to reach out to touch e world, we must also reach out and touch our own family too. lyk cousins and relatives.. n yea, my sis! must minister! yep yepz, cuz jesus did tt in his hometown too!

hahas.. i love aunty gweeen! talkin to her rely enlightnen's me! love you soooooo much aunty gwen!

---if god is for me, den who can be against me?---

Dont write me off just yet,3:24 PM hahas.. ended skool at 11:45 today but onli reached hme at 1:30 cuz ate lunch wif joy n amy til 12:30 lyk tt.. hmmz.. yea.. was kind of a boring day cuz din do much at skool.. study study study.. feel so stressed.. got a phyics test on mon, m.t test on wed n maths test on thur.. yea.. stressed..

hmmz.. tml wun be going to YE. sad sad.. oh well.. praying n reading e word of god rely helps yea.. hmmz.. hahas.. yea.. jesus rely comforts me, know tt he's there 24/7 fer me. =) so hmmz.. tml staying at hme.. do work, study.. n play? hahas.. play com e YE pple also wun be online.. oh welll.. hahas.. nvm.. look on e bright side rite? hmm.. i can er.. study fer my test? lolx.. no worries, i'll be fine, ive jesus as my companion! =)

yea.. tonight uncle daniel is bringing his new puppy to our hse! my gosh! i saw e foto e other day! so cuuuteee! a miniature schuazher! adorable ! cute alert! lolx.. so so cute.. cant wait to see it.
hehe.. yea.. so bored now..

---my god is an awesome god---
=) Dont write me off just yet,2:24 PM wooo.. m finally hme frm skool..onli reached hme at abt 6:45p.m. today was such a tiring day, e stupid racial harmony day thingy.. so tiring.. den today after skool had eldds.. rely rely rely din feel lyk going cuz was soooo tired. but still had to stay lar cuz was complusory. was kinda boring lorz.. just sit around n 'discussed' abt e cluster arts festival(next wk). yea.. kinda boring..

hmmz.. din rely tell anyone abt me not going to YE anymore. but told grace today at school.. yea.. was still tryin to calm myself down n 'get used' to tt idea.. but wen i told her, i was rely feeling so overwhlemed.. hmmz.. yea.. eyes filled wif tears.. she just told me not to be sad lar, but i was ok.. i just wiped dem away and smiled. yea.. grace is rely so sweet, hahas.. love her lots. coz i no she's going through many many lil things in her life too, yea.. we can stand together.=)

yea... den i talked to aunty gwen yea, told her abt it. she said tt she actually heard sum parts abt it frm my mum. yea.. but its rely awesome talking to aunty gwen, yea.. she rely comforts me i guess. told me to take things lightly and tt things would be able to work out. yepz.. im trusting tt god can work things out for me, i just have to trust him. yep yep..

but on sun i'll be going to church alone, and tts kinda 'nice' fer me cuz den i can go earlier! yea.. n tt wld probably..HOPEFULLY mean tt i can eat lunch wif e YE pple! yea! ohh pls pls pls pls.. let it be! im lookin forwards to sun soooo much! love YE peeps sooooooo much!

yea.. so just going to spend time wif mummy on sat cuz dad will be working and sis is going out.. yea.. guess its just time to slow down and give it all to god.. n please my mum..

god..i've obeyed. are you pleased with me?
---putting my trust in him--- Dont write me off just yet,7:22 PM ooook.. i guess i wun be going to YE anymore.. not going to argue wif dem anymore.. no.. im not giving up, im not giving up on anything.. im just doing wad god told us all to do i nthe bible.. honouring my father and mother.. after all.. dey sld be doing tis 'for my own good' right? hopefully.. but i guess thats the only thing i can do rite? if i argue its only going to spoil my relationship wif dem..

so wad? hope tt dey get touched tt im actually not arguing wif dem? hey.. it can happen.. but now.. haiisx.. its gona be hard.. i miss dem so much! but just have to obey.. cuz god knows wad he's doing right?

---jesus can turn things around--- Dont write me off just yet,6:49 PM just got hme.. today was another loong long day.. was so tired after skool i just wanted to run all the way hme.. den e stupid 171 bus was soooo long! i waited close to 45 mins before it came! was kinda pissed off..duno y it took so long..

was rely rely 'unsettled' last night cuz dad said tt he din wan me to go to YE anymore.. haiisx.. not sure lar.. but was just kinda upset last night thou i din say anything to him or mum. yea.. so i just read e bible and meditated on it fer a lil while, prayed, den went to sleep, quite reassured. yea..

but den tis morn i woke up rely... i duno.. worried i guess.. hmmz.. yea.. kinda din no wad to do abt it.. in skool.. haiisx.. i just din feel lyk being there.. tt was wen we went to e com lab and i saw a scripture on e wall(me skool has lots of scriptures everywhere), and it said: with god, nothing is impossible' luke1:37. i tink it was lyk a sign or sumting i guess? frm e lord? cuz ive read tt wall hundreds of times before and i nv rely felt anything, but yet at tt moment, wen i saw it.. i duno how i felt lar.. jus felt 'something' yea..

hmmz.. den i felt kinda 'ok' again i guess. fasted recess and breakfast, was so tempting wen i went to e canteen wif tricia and leanne.. my gosh.. felt so hungry and so many pple were eating around me! lolx.. but managed to presever! yea! lolx... den went backto e classroom n tot abt e YE thing again and felt real worried.. so i just decided to pray and read my bible.. yea.. so i just prayed first. but den i din no where to read in my lil blue bible. so i prayed again and asked god to give me a verse to calm me and to 'restore' my worried heart. hmmz.. god is so awesome. he gave me this verse as soon as i opened e bible: let ur heart not be troubled, you believe in god, also believe in me.' yea.. tt kinda touched me cuz i new tt god was asking me once again to trust in him and not give up.

yea.. so even though its rely rely hard.. haiisx.. and i keep losing my faith here and there.. im rely tryin my best to give him my all and try nt to be scared or worried..

--- his perfect love casts out all fear--- Dont write me off just yet,3:38 PM hmm.. am rely worried fer him.. he told me not to contact him fer 2 wks.. dun no how he is.. seems lyk ages since ive talked to him even though its not.. yea.. hope tt he's fine.. hmm.. i realized, sometimes i feel kinda lost w/o a bro lyk him, nobody to talk to. dun exactly tell him everything, but just feel better wen i talk to him. hope tt he's fine.. dun no, it just scares me wen he's lyk tt.. onli thing i can do is to pray fer him..

hmmz.. yea, i realized tt recently, this has really been a time of testing for me. becuz i am forced to lean on god heavily in many many things. cuz many things are out of my control, and onli god has full control over it.. o well..

---jesus your my firm foundation--- Dont write me off just yet,5:29 PM who am i?
that the king of the world willingly died for me?
who am i?
to deserve to have all my sins forgiven?
who am i?
that becoz of me, he was insulted
what did i do?
to make him agree to so such a thing?
what did i do?
to make him agree to be crucified?

i am no one
lil miss nobody
i was born dead
selfish,stingy and proud
i thought
lived and fought for myself
and only myself
i never thought for anyone else
and i didnt care either
i was a miserable being
the lowest of the low

but yet
who am i?
that you would come to forgive me?
who am i?
that you would willingly love me?
what am i?
that made me so special to you?
what did i do?
to make it all worth it?

what made you come to save me?
what made you endure all that pain?
what is it that i've done?
am i really that special?
that the king of kings would really do that for me?

i pondered and pondered on this matter
went in circles and circles
but found no answer
finally, i gave up and cried
'why god? why?
i've never been good
i've never praised you
never thanked you
all i ever thought of
was my own selfish self
i never heeded you
never gave you a second thought
but yet you did this all
for me?'

he drew me close and tenderly whispered in my ear
he told me things i never knew
things that touched my heart and lifted my fears
and now i know

you did all those things
not because of who i am
you did all those things
not because of what i've done
you did them
because you loved me
you suffered the pain
because you wanted me to be free

but i am NOBODY
i am a horrible being
why ME?

now i know
not because of what i am
but because of who YOU are
you did it not because i was worthy
not because i deserved it
but because
you're beautiful
you're wonderful
you're mericiful
no words can describe you
no one can comprehend
because
how great can someone be?
to love someone who didnt deserve it at all?

i cannot comprehend
neither can i express
but all i say to you lord is that
your unfailing love is wonderful
you mercy is beyond measure
and beautiful lord
i love you
i adore you
there's no one else on this earth
no one else
as beautiful as you.
-alyssa

hahas.. kinda sucks.. doesnt sound nice at all in some parts.. oh wellz.. Dont write me off just yet,3:58 PM woah.. today was a real loooong day.. even thou skool ended at 1:45. duno y.. e day seemed soooo long! yep. but im finally hme! phew.. cooked maggiee mee just now, just finished eating. hehe.. so so tired.. hahas.. lucky today no hw, but i guess sld revise lar. hahas.. my physics is damn jia lat now, coz alwaes nb pay attention to miss tan.. hehe.. but still can lar.. lolx..

hmmz.. today fasted breakfast(recess), woah.. was so so hungry throughout e day! my gosh.. hahas.. but lucky can lar. lolx.. yea.. cuz god will gif me strength yea! hahas.. yea.. learning e cha cha now in skool fer pe. its way cool manz! lolx.. enjoyed it lots.. hehe,.. but guess tt im not so good at it.. lolx..

yea.. wantedto cum online yest night but din dare to cuz was scared tt mummie wld scold me so din lor.. wanted ta say so many things, hahas.. but now cant rmb.

lolx.. tryin to be a real good girl now, so tt can go to YE on sat! yea! hahas.. yea.. but feel abit disappointed, coz mum say tt being in e musical film might affect my studies and my end of year exam, and she wldnt rely lyk it if i joined.. so i stepped out.. :'( so sad.. e guy from ngee ann sld be at our skool now n tellin them e parts..was actually suppose to find out wad part i can play today.. but haiisx.. guess its 'no go' fer me.. sianz.. but nbm lar.. sure to be other chances rite? i hope... but can go to YE can le lar, hahas..[[c guys? i love you soo much! hahas.. give up my musical for you sia!]] lolx..

yea.. hahas.. so bored.. hahas.. going to go check out other pple's blogs.. hehe.. bored bored bored..

----having jesus brightens up my life---- Dont write me off just yet,3:02 PM hmmz.. had a moderate day today. hmmz.. yea.. e lit test was abit tough i guess, duno how some pple can write over one page, onli just manage to finish one.

hmmz.. fasted lunch today, sho was feeling sooo hungry just now, hahas.. but not feelin as hungry now. lolx.. i tink cannot fast lunch already lar, or else so so so so hungry lehz! yea.. so instead of eating lunch, i read mi lil bible lorz.. hahas.. quite nice actually, in e library quiet quiet de, den just read e bible, shoo peaceful!

i tink tml mayb i fast recess instead, not sure lar.. just eat breakfast, den can fast recess. yea mayb.. hahas.. 22 mins more before i can eat again! hahas.. hungry hungry..

hahas.. choose bright bright colours today..lolx.. Dont write me off just yet,4:39 PM phew.. feeling so much better den juz now! i was just feeling so so low. and even though i said tt i was goin to trust in god, my heart was still heavy.. read e bible just now, and god just comforted me so so much. he took off the load, and thou im still unsure of wad is going to happen, im just going to trust.

just now in church pastor frankie told us to fast one meal a day tis wk fer apostle. hmmz.. i was thinking of fasting for e thing i was praying for. hmmz.. duno if tts considered cheating if i fast for both things at once? i hope not! yea.. was so down just now tt i missed out so many things! yea.. had so much fun at church while e lasted yea.

oh ya! had an altar call thingy too. pastor frankie was saying tt he had a dream, and he dreamt abt various pple in our church with all different types of sickness or pain. den he told dem to cum out to be prayed for.yea.. den later he said tt whoever wanted a touch from god could just step in front for prayer.. pple lyk lian jye, faith, peace etc.. went up, but i was abit hesitant. hmmz.. yea.. so den i asked cheryl whether she wanted to go up coz i was abit scared to go up alone. she said tt she was scared also, so we thought abt it fer a while, den just kept quiet, but i cld c tt she wanted to go too. hmmz.. after abt 5 mins, she just said 'kz.. lets go.' so den both of us went up.

well, i sure din regret going up. pastor joseph prayed for me. hmmz.. i cant rmb everything tt he said to me. but somewhere along e lines, he said something lyk:' i see u running around.i see you with all your friends. and there's nothing wrong with having frens, but dont let it get in the way of you worshipping god. its time to let go, let go off all that hurts(something lyk tt), and just love him. do not care about what others think. he loves you. he loves you so much.' hmmz.. at tt point, i was already overwhelmed and was cryin real hard. yea.. den he went go n said ' i can see it now, god is hugging you. he's holding you tight, can you feel him?' hmmz.. frankly, i din rely felt lyk i was being hugged.. but i felt more lyk.. hmmz.. hard to explain, lyk i was feelin warm all over, it was just tis weird but special sensation i had all over me, but i was nice. i felt loved, and after tt.. i just got slaned.. hahas.. down i went..

yea.. i tink i was still crying real hard coz e words rely touched me. the part where sometimes i feel shy about worshipping god, how i dun rise up wen i can, yea.. feel lyk i've wasted so much time wen i cld have been doing stuff for his glory. yea.. but now i know wad i haf to do! do everything i do well, and for jesus!

hmmz.. yea.. after i got up, i went to e toilet, lolx.. there were so many pple there already! cheryl(already got up),may and peace were just standing around inside and i tink cher was still crying abit. hahas.. den esther came out from one of e cubicles, lolx.. not even 5 mins later jolyn came it.. lolx.. lyked a lil gathering inside.. lolx.. yea..

but anywaes.. its been hard for me. i pray, god gives me peace, and den satan attacks me and brings me down again.. real real sucky.. but i just have to prray, n pray more i guess wen he gets me down yea.. and read his word. yep yep..

-heart restored my god again..=) Dont write me off just yet,8:35 PM hmmz.. church was rely awesome too. the teaching rely talked to me i guess. hmmz.. yea.. learnt lots n lots of things.. but e main thing was tt, i learnt tt i rely have to trust in god 100% coz he rely cares.. hmmz.. yea.. pastor frankie preached on 2 samuel today. it was about battles tt god's pple had to fight. din rely grasp tt much but he said tt, if we realized. we're always fighting a battle, after one battle and everything's ok again, yet another comes. yea.. i know tt that is tru. it rely is.. i realized that i've been fighting battle after battle for the past month, sometimes struggling so hard tt i just want to give up.

i know tt satan is tryin to make me fall from god's grace. he tried to break my relationship wif my frens, it din work. he tried to make me resentful of them, it din work. he tried to bring me down wif e spirit of rejection, it din work. and now he has to pull out the biggest stronghold. something tt i have to respect and to give in. but yet im still fighting for wad i want. to stay where i am, but at the same time, spoiling my relationship. in results making things worse, everytime is a bad time.

its hard. its rely hard. now she wun even listen to me, she just gets irritated wif me everytime,now she wants to cut me away, take me out. she says wen she does decide to move, im going to have to follow, and i dun get a choice. is this rely wad god wants for me? i dun no. i rely dun. im tryin to be good, i rely am. but somehow, everything i say or do, just convinces her all the more to cut me off.

and yet, there's nothing i can do. there's no where i can run. i just have to trust in god. even if i dun want to, becoz.. who else can i run to? there's onli him.. the onli one who can make things alright. but is it his will? pls let it be.. u cant be tt cruel.. right? Dont write me off just yet,6:02 PM as each min ticks past.. my heart grows heavier and heavier.. not knowing what is going to happen. not knowing how it's going to end. not knowing anything at all. i pray to jesus to give me strenght to pass this test. i pray that he'll guide me. my burden lifts off bit by bit.

readin the word, giving myself knowledge.. talking to him. its all up to jesus. its all up to you. im tryin to give my all to jesus. leave it to him. carry me through.. i love you lord.. i know yo u love me too.. Dont write me off just yet,9:53 PM when i was sad . . . . . . . you dried my tears
when i was sad . . . . . . .you comforted my my fears
when i was worried . . . . . . .you gave me hope
when i was confused . . . . . . . you helped me cope
when i was lost . . . . . . . and couldnt see light
you were my beacon . . . . . . . shinning ever so bright

-and now in my time of need. i trust that my god will be with me.not knowing what is going to happen, only trusting that everything will be alright.
Dont write me off just yet,11:05 AM i rely dun no wad is wrong! everytime im up and abt, hyper n happie about everything, satan will strike hard. against me. i tried, i fought hard against his attacks fer the whole of this week. i stifiled the spirit of jealousy, i held back my anger. i did everything i cld to defeat the devil, and i tot i did.and now he just had to pull out his most powerful weapon against me. he knows wad he's doing, he's making me disobey. he's breaking me down. he know's tt its going to be hard. its so so hard, im trying to trust in jesus, i rely am. but tis is abt me and my mum, how am i going to carry on?? its not about the world anymore,its about someone im close to. and we're talkin abt letting go .. letting go of the things tt mean so much to me. tis is breaking up my relationship with her.she's getting angry at me. i need you jesus.. i need u..

-cant stop the tears from running down my face.. Dont write me off just yet,9:24 PM ohmygosh ohmygosh OHMYGOSH~!!! im so excited! we ALL got in! the musical film thingy! mi,ida,joy and angel! we're ALL IN!ohmygosh! hahas.. so excited. e guy frm ngee ann gave me a call today to imformed me! tt is SOOOOO cool! my gosh! im so excited! tis wld b e second musical i'd be workin in this year! *woots*! im elated! woo hoo.. goin to meet e producer and team wif ida, joy n angel on tue after skool den gona work out who's gona act as wad! cool or wad manz! my gosh! im so exxcited! *woots!* to god be e glory! god ur SHO AWESOME!! Dont write me off just yet,8:10 PM weeeee! managed ta figure our e right hand notes on e piano fer "only you" and " i gif my life to you" juz now! hahas.. happieeee.. hehe.. even thou sum parts sound wrong.. hehe..

i was fallin over the edge
hanging by a thread
almost throwing myself over
and end my life like that
just another lil jeer
another lil cut
would have sent me over
fallin into darkness
fallin into death
nothing had ever hurt me so much
had cut me in so deep
that all the things that mattered
seemed like trivial little things
i was wounded so badly
i desperately needed love
but it seemed that no one could give it
i felt rejected by the world
why couldnt they understand
why couldnt they feel it?
that all i needed was
someone to hug me
to smile at me
to hold me close
why couldnt they understand
that all i wanted was love?
that all i ever wanted
was not to be left alone
i cried out in the darkness
searching for a light
searching for someone to help
but no one was in sight
my body left with no strenght
tears spilled out of my eyes
i slowly stood up to take the last step
that would end my life
in silence i stood there
preparing for the moment
i lift one foot off the ground
and clenched my hands so tight
with a jolt my body fell
alarmed i screamed in terror
my eyes flew open in fear
'this is the end' i thought
everything went blur
but yet the simple fact that i was fallin to hell
in my mind
was very clear
suddenly i came to a stop
n thought 'am i dead?'
ginergly i opened my eyes
onli to find tt i was alive
something.. SOMEONE
caught me when i was falling
he wiped my tears away
and even though i didnt know
but he was there all the way
he stopped me from crashing
on that hard ground
he stopped me from ending my life
and told satan not to pull me down
i opened widen and asked 'why?'
'why did you help me?
and stop me from falling down?
why didnt you let me just die and fade away?
why didnt you just leave me
alone in my own world?
why do you care so much
about me,
a reject girl?'
i broked down at these words
and feared to hear the answers
but when i heard the voice that spoke
my heart was full of hope
'because i love you child
i love you so much
if only u had opened ur heart
your would have felt my touch
i made you a special person
your beauty i can see
though everyone criticizes you
you have to trust in me
though you felt that i wasnt there
im tellin you i was
though you feel that no one love you
im tellin you
I LOVE YOU
i started weeping before he finished
feeling touched by his words
now i knew that someone loved me
and his name was JESUS
I'm never going to let go again
not goin to slip
becoz now im filled with hope again
becoz HE'S is with me

hahas.. i know tt this sounds a lil weird at sum parts.. bt o well..hehe.. Dont write me off just yet,6:30 PM hahas.. realized tt satan had been attacking been fer e past wk. n im glad to say tt i din gif in! hehe.. is tt cool or wad? hahas.. today was thinkin abt e simple plan song 'shut up'. haas.. felt lyk yelling it at e devil!hahas..

shut up shut up shut up
dun wana hear it!
get out get out get out
get out of my way!
step out step out step out
nothing you say today is gona bring me down!

hahas.. rely felt lyk screaming tt at him. coz was struggling wif lotsa stuff tis wk. hmmz.. tink tt ive given e spirit of jealousy ALOT LESS power! hahas.. fought hard at first bt now slowly, by and by im gettin e hang of tis! sumtimes will feel a lil pang or sumtimes it juz rises up again but i try ta kill it by tellin myself wad faith told mi. jealousy is not good. coz it'll turn in to malice, which will turn into anger. n all three aint good! n god doesnt want me to be angry, being angry is a sin! hahas.. so hopefully i'll be able to cast tt EVIL spirit of jealousy OUT of my body! yea!

hahas.. yea. was feelin abit down here n there today bt i refused to let e devil win! yea! hahas.. i tink was able to overcome it after a period of time..hehe.. there is a NO PLACE for you here satan! hahas.. goin ta let sis use e com now le.. b back laterz..

-when life gets me down, i look to the heavens and know tt ur up there taking good care of me lord. and now i praise you! Dont write me off just yet,4:57 PM hahas.. reached hme early today. hahas.. today im so guai. finished all mi hw le. onli later muz do d&t model. hahas.. alwaes get excited on fris n sats, hahas.. coz sun's around e corner! lolx.. but feel abit sad thinking tt its onli going to be fer ONE DAY! sho sad... y cant we haf church more often?? hahas.. im havin a serious case of 'missin YE peeps' symtom. lolx.. hahas.. glad tt can c dem on sun again! hehe.. cant wait! Dont write me off just yet,3:57 PM wooooooah.. had a beri beri beri looong day.. phew.. glad tt its almost over. woke up so letargic tis morn.. din feel lyk goin to skool, lolx.. now i rely tink dere's sumting wrong wif mi.. hahas.. been sleepin so early lor.. bt still everyday tired.. lolx..

today hmmz.. forgot tt i had eldds after skool sho told dad tt i finished skool at 1:45.. hehe.. den half way thru skool i rmb-ed. lolx.. so i left a note at sis's table bt she din c! bt i din no.. lolx.. so i happily went fer eldds and den mum n dad panicked coz dey i din go hme.. panicked till dey called e skool.. hahas.. so ma lu, den major yam talked to mi abt how i sld get e message across to my parents properly blah blah blah.. hahas.. poor guy, feel sori fer him, has to deal wif pple lyk mi who cant even be bothered to listen! lolx..

actually today after skool was feelin so sianz, juz wanted ta go hme coz had lots n lots of work to do! den i was lyk.. eldds...? i wana go hme! lolx.. bt surprisingly, it was so fun! hahas.. we discussed wad we were goin to do fer e cluster arts festival and stuff. hahas.. n one thing was rely rely cooool! sum student or ngee ann contacted miss yeo.. hmmz.. tink he is doin a project or exam or sumting..said tt he was making a 10 min musical film thingy and coz he heard of our musical, he wanted sum of e eldds gerls ta help him make it as his actresses! lolx! is tt cool or wad man?! lolx.. cherry n i was shooo excited! hahas.. miss yeo ish gona tell us more abt it in time to cum, hmmz.. tink e auditions sld be in e next few weeks or so. hahas.. hope tt i do ok in it, lolx.. onli got into anne by chance e other time, now muz rely hope tt i can get it! it'll be sooooo coool!

lolx.. we dun no much abt e plot bt at first was feelin abit lyk.. "huh?" coz i mean, a TEN MINS musical? lolx.. wad can u do in ten mins rite? hahas.. bt sounds quite interesting, we're suppose to be acting as pri6 students yea. hahas.. e 2 main characters are P6 gals, bt dun tink tt i'll go fer e main part.. hahas.. too shy, dun tink i can rely do it. hehe.. summore muz sing, hahas.. im abit uncomfortable singing in front of pple.. hehe.. yea.. but juz hope i get a supporting role man! hehe.. cherry n i tot tt it'll be cool ta be in another musical together again! hehe.. even thou its onli fer 10 mins. heard tt we'll also get a copy of it wen its done! hehe.. sooo excited! lolx..

hmmz.. was feelin very stressed juz now coz had heaps n heaps of work.. 500 words essay, 5 pages worth of research, 100 words compo, whole exercise of math and many many more.. lolx.. n guess wad? ALL DUE TML! hahas.. i was lyk panicking coz reached hme onli abt 7p.m(cuz of eldds). sho i juz hurry prayed fer god to gif mi strenght and e ability to plan everything out. phew.. god rely heard my prayers. i've finished EVERYTHING! whoo hooo! in record time too! hehe.. so coool.. everything is done.. and im beri statisfied wif my work too! hmmz.. yea.. juz now wen was surfin e net, i came across two rely nice poems..

hmmz.. tis first one is about how tis certain person doesnt rely care abt wad e world tinks abt her le coz she knows tt god loves her as she is.
Trapped in a world of appearances
They say I'm not good enough
Even you do this to me
Just accept me as I am

Struggling with my image
The jokes aren't helping
If God can love this body
Why can't you?

My dress size does not equal my beauty
But it is who I am inside
Don't tell me I don't have "it"
I have all I need, in Him

You still can't accept imperfection
It is one of the many thingsthat make me feel unloved
I am not a model.
I am me.

Stop telling me to diet
Stop looking at me like you do
Real beauty comes from the heartand not from the physical body.
Vanity is not a wise trait
God loves a gentle spirit
True beauty comes from within not outward adornment.

Here's e other one, about inner beauty:
Outer beauty soon vanishes,
It is fleeting and so vain,
But inner beauty does not fade…
It shall evermore remain.

Though our spirit be departed
And our bodies in the grave,
The Light of our Lord will shine on…
Through meek souls whom He hath saved.

True beauty is the life of Christ –The Spirit of God within,
A life of holiness and peace…
Shining forth, the lost to win.
Yes, outer beauty vanishes,
It is fleeting and so vain,
But Inner Beauty doth not fade…
It shall evermore remain

hahas.. tis one sounds abit more 'old testimont' with all e 'haths' and 'doths' lolx.. bt i tink it kinda sounds cool..

lolx.. actually was feelin down today. hmmz.. bt den was talkin wif elizabeth fer a lil while. hmmz.. was talkin abt god wif sumone else den she suddenly said, "ur very staunch". den i juz laughed.. den she said 'do u no wad tt means?" hahas.. i said yes.. den she said "wad?" hahas.. so i said, " u meant tt im a staunch chrisitian izzit?" lolx.. den she said yea. lolx.. den she was saying tt she did notice a change in me recently. and was askin mi wad happened? hahas.. how cum i suddenly became so 'spiritual'. lolx.. was kinda happy wen she said tt coz i was rely glad tt pple can actually c e change tt god has made in my life! i mean, is tt cool or wad yea? lolx..

so den i juz shared wif her. hmmz.. abt how i was once in touch wif god, den i let go off him. bt now, i din find him, bt he found mi n tt he's rely working in miraculous ways in my life now. hmmz.. i tink tt she saw tt i've rely changed in sum ways n is hmmz.. abit 'amazed' by it.. yea.. juz hope tt i was able ta touch her heart by it, coz i tink she is in e same situation tt i used to be in. u no, christian family n all, bt dun rely haf a relationship wif god. yea. hoping tt can talk to her more abt it. hehe..

yea.. so tt kinda made my day. den later in e day, was wif alysa carolina. hahas.. she saw e book "the case for christ" in my bag(e one tt faith,ty,sis and peace bought fer mi burrfdae) den she was lyked, hmmz.. nt sure, abit 'surprised' . den she asked mi tis rely weird quest. " u mean u haf repented?" hahas.. i was lyk "huh??" lolx.. den she said " haf u been baptised?" den i said no. den she juz asked mi, wad was e sudden change in me? how cum i was suddenly so hungry fer god? lolx.. i dun no y she wld ask these quests becoz of one book, bt oh well, mayb it's juz god.. lolx.. hmmz yea.. so i juz told her wad had happen, e simple fact tt god found mi. bascially a shorten version of was i told elizabeth.

hmmz.. basically, it rely encouraged mi tt pple can c tt im changed. im changed becoz of god. hahas.. im glad tt dey actually tink its fer e better! hehe.. juz so so glad tt dey cld c it! god is so awesome. glory to god!

----i love you jesus---

Dont write me off just yet,9:36 PM woah.. its onli 9:40p.m and im alreadi started to yawn real real big.. lolx.. wads happening to mi??? hahas.. cant understand y now-a-days i feel so tired! lolxx.. mayb god's askin mi to rest more! hehe..

juz now was feelin abitz looonley.. hehe.. coz nobody was online sho i signed off.. hmmz.. felt lyk callin one of e YE peeps bt realized tt most of e peeps are attending e prayer session thingy tonightz. sho nobody to talk to! lonely.. sho lonely.. hehe.. even thou got god wif mi! hehe.. yea.. realized tt i havent talked ta mel much these few days. hahas.. coz been sleepin real early. hehe.. kinda miss talkin wif him. lolx. thou we dun actually 'talk' much.. hehe.. oh well..

sho sianz now.. juz chattin wif lian jye.. hmmz.. turning off e comp soon i guess.. nt sure.. depends on my mood. hmmz.. den going ta do QT den sleep le.. tml still got skool.. juz thinkin abt it makes mi feel tired le.. *yawnx* Dont write me off just yet,9:44 PM hahas.. harlo. had quite a moderate day at skool today. hmmz.. not terrific bt nt bad either. juz a nice kinda lazy lazy day. hahas.. bt still felt lyk bursting anytime coz i juz missed church so much! hahas.. now i look forwars to singspiration and chaple on mondays m fridays, hahas.. coz even thou it isnt e same as church, its still close!

hehe.. juz wana praise god more n more each day, he's rely working miraculously throught my life! hehe.. talked to aunty gwen again juz now, was cool. hehe.. lyk i said, i love talkin to aunty gwen, alwaes make mi feel refreshed and ready to 'fight' again if i need to. lolx.. jesus ur my sunshine in the rain! and u paint a beautiful rainbow after it! =) Dont write me off just yet,4:52 PM hahas.. was feelin sho sianz coz got nothing to do. hehe.. juz now was goin ta call faith, bt den duno y decided ta call mel first. hmmz.. yea. den he said tt he n hamz were goin to go to her hse sho den i had second thoughts abt callin her coz scared ta disturb. hahas.. den in e end decided to try anywae, c whether i cld call her b4 dey reached her hse. hahas.. bt dey were too fast, wen i called her dey were dere le. hehe.. talked to her fer a lil while den her batt went flat sho kena cut off. lolx.. anywaes.. after tt i practiced mi piano again. hahas. kinda miss playin it after nt practicing fer sum time.

was feelin sho sho sho bored. after tis juz goin ta use comp fer a lil while den goin ta do QT le. hehe.. today fer e whole day, duno y. mayb its coz i was lifted frm mi burden yest, juz cldnt stop singing to god. hehe.. poor poor tia, she had ta put up wif my singing fer e whole day. lolx. bt she was ok lar, she even sang along wif mi! hehe.. i miss church sho much! lolx.. suddenly thought of one of e songs we sang on sun. bt can onli rmb e chorus, e one tt says : beautiful lord i love u, beautiful lord i adore, beautiful lord my soul must sing'. hehe.. tts exactly how i feel now.

hehe.. it feels great wen god takes away mi burden n leaves mi happie. yea, occassionally i'll feel a lil pang in my heart, bt i guess tts all. hehe.. juz feel lyk singing to jesus all e time. hahas.. wana sing my heart out. thank you for throwing my burdens away lord! i love you jesus!

*smilez big and wide*
-feel loved. mi saviour loves mi Dont write me off just yet,9:03 PM hahas.. finished eating dinner awhile ago. had a lil chat wif aunty gwen juz now, lyk talkin to aunty gwen. hehe.. yep yep. lolx.. today was a nottie galz in skool. in lit we went to e comp lab bt werent allowed to turn on e comps.. hehe.. bt i turned my on anyway, hehe n came here ta tag.. hehe.. den went to esther bloggie, bt i forgot tt her bloggie haf music! ahh! it was so loud! lol.. everybody turn around n i quickly turned off e monitor. my gosh.. sho scary.. i acted blur.. hehe.. before tt weni turned on e comp was also lyk tt.. hehe.. sho scary.. bt lucky e teacher nb hear.. hehe.. e more bored i am in class, e more nottie i get.. hehex..

im sho bored now.. hehe.. dun feel lyk doin work.. hee.. bt nobody ish online lehz.. cannot chat. hmmz.. sianz lor.. cant wait fer sun! feel so refreshed after tt service! was rely so awesome! loved it so so much! hehe... Dont write me off just yet,7:36 PM woah.. been sho tired e past two days.. alwaes feelin so sleepy.. *yawnx* tired tired tired... had such a boring day at skool today.. sho sianz.. hahas.. bt had soooo much time to think think tink again. lolx.. hmmz.. bt wad i was tinkin abt din make mi depressed or anything, hehe.. no worries. hehe..

yea.. i juz kinda realized tt. actually.. hmmz.. how sld i put tis? well.. lets juz say, im nt much different frm new-born chrisitians! i mean.. besides e fact tt i grew up in a christian family n alreadi new abt god, im no more den a new born chrisitian. hmm.. i vaguely rmb wen i was 7, i was given e gift of tongues. tt was e period wen i rely trusted in god, it was tru child-like faith. bt wen i went on frm 8 onwards.. i lost my trust in jesus, n i loosen my fingertips n let go. i new god, i told pple tt he was real. i tot tt i believed it, bt i didnt. did i seek in comfort in him? did i talk to him? did i try to change myself for him? no. i did not. i was juz a 'lip-chrisitian'.

hmm.. so thinkin abit more. i've only rely felt jesus tis year. and, e awesome thing is, i din find him. he found me. isnt tt great? tts lyk wad rachel was sayin, god found her, she din find him. hmm.. yea.. the thing was, he took mi by surprise, changed my life. n now im never goin to be e same. i feel different, act different. and sum pple might nt lyk it. bt hey.. do i care? nopez.. im juz goin to be e person god wants mi to be. now, i rely feel god. i can find comfort in him, i'll look to him wen im in need. n most importantly, i know tt he's there!

so yea.. i came to conclusion tt. now, and onli now. am i a hmmz.. so called real christian. i try to change myself for god. correction..i AM going to change myself for god. hmmz.. yea.. n now, im convinced, tt he is real. and he is working through my life.

who picked me up when i fell?
who wiped my tears when i cried?
who cleaned my wounds and kissed my cuts?
who walked with me on that long night?
who took my burdens and threw them away?
who showed me the path when i couldnt see?
who showed me the beauty i have in me?
who spoke to me when i needed words?
who hugged me when i needed love?
who loved me no matter what i did?
who forgave me despite of my sins?
now i know
it was you jesus.
It was you all the time.
you brushed me off from my fall
you carried me when i called
you freed my eyes from all tears
you made my pains fly away
you lift the burdens of my back
you shone light onto the path
you told me that i was beautiful
you loved me when i needed love
you lifted me up when i was down
you wahed away my sins with your blood
made me clean and free from cuts
and now i thank you jesus
coz i know now
you love me.

n now. im never going to let go of him ever again. im going to hold on tight. no matter wad happens.. Dont write me off just yet,4:21 PM hmmz... been thinkin alot. sumtimes ty tells mi nt ta tink sho much coz it alwaes makes mi hmmz.. 'depressed' in a way. hmmz.. bt tinkin today rely helped mi to clear up my thoughts. yep.. i now no tt god rely loves mi unconditionally no matter wad i do. yea. realized lots of things. hmmz.. realized tt many pple in our church are facing wad we call 'crisis'.. might be big, might be small bt no matter wad size dey are, dey're all probs n dey're frm e devil. think tis is a time of testing fer all of us, to fight and resist e devil! hmmz.. i tink we're under attack again. hmm.. bt if u tink abt it, its coz we're threatening satan! he's worried tt we will mess up his work! as far as im concerned.. TTS FINE WIF MI. lolx. yea.. i guess he's working to get us hurt, and we do feel it alot.. hmmz.. bt m tryin my hardest ta resist. n kick his ass back ta hell! lolx..

hehe.. yea.. was talkin to faith darliink juz now.. hehe.. talkin to her makes mi feel better all e time. hmm.. guess talkin to sumone is better yea.. coz hmm.. she cld show mi things tt i cldnt see before.. yep yep. n im nt goin ta kid myself by sayin tt im completely healed. i no its a fact tt hurt takes time to heal. bt im goin to try ta look on e bright side yea? hmm.. yea.. as fer jealousy? hard to cure yea.. hmm.. bt tryin my best ta resist tt evil spirit of jealousy wen it tries to manifest itself! hehe.. muz smile smile smile n be happie.

quote from e b i b l e : do not be discouraged for the lord your god is with you where ever you go!

hmm yea.. trusting god to take care of mi all my life thru. protecting mi n loving me foreva.=) Dont write me off just yet,7:21 PM had a very stressed day today. hard day at skool. juz felt so tired of everything. hmmz.. anywaes.. had a great time at church yest.

arrived early n joined in e foundation class. was pretty cool i guess bt e stupid ty keep ka jiao mi. irritating.. lolx. hmmz.. e service was preached by rachel coz apostle n pastor sally are on a missionary tour thingy i tink. hmmz.. yea. e message was simple bt it kinda touched my heart. she was saying abt how god juz longs for us to talk to him, and he's juz waiting for us to! and tt he misses it wen we dun. simple enough, bt it touched my heart so much. and it kidna made mi feel a lil guilty coz i din do QT fer 2 days.=p

hmmz.. yea.. at one point of time rachel juz got e MM pple ta play e music and told us to use tt time to talk to god. so we all prayed. hmmz.. yea.. had a long long talk wif him. i juz had so many things to say to god. i was sori fer nt talkin to him. sori fer nt trusting him. sori fer so so so many things. then i thanked him. hmmz.. poure dout my soul to him.. recently been feelin lots n lots of internal hurts and cuts. told him to take it all away. i wanted it all gone. den god started touching mi and i cldnt help it but to cry, onli a lil at first, but den i cldnt stop my tears frm flowing. hehe.. thinking back, it was a bit embarrasing.. lolx.. hehe.. bt anywaes.. church was awesome. even after everybody left, e MM still continued playin songs and e youth sang and dance to e lord again. lolx.. tt is, after we prayed and cried summore. lolx.. bt it was so awesome ta juz sing and dance before him. cool..

hmmz.. yea.. den after tt went ta eat lunch and stuff. was pretty cool actually, fellowshipped and stuff.. hmmz.. on e way to lunch and while eating.. heard lots n lots of things. yea.. hate to say this, bt e spirit of jealousy rely stirred up inside of mi. i was kinda disppointed wif myself. i didnt wan to feel lyk tt, its rely an aweful feelin. at a few point of times, i got hurt indirectly by sum words or actions shown. bt yet nobody meant to, nobody meant to hurt mi. bt i still got hurt.

anywaes.. after lunch we were suppose to go to e open field thingy beside e orchard mrt fer a 'pinic' or sumting bt e rained! lolx.. so we juz fellowshipped in e shop thingy till e rain ceased abit. den went there. hmmz.. dey started playin frisbee but desiree n i didnt wan to play sho we juz sat down n talked fer abit lorz. den hmmz.. got abit bored sho decided to play after all. lolx.. hehe.. den after tt we played wif water bombs! hahs.. poor poor fait hdarliink got e most wet i tink! hehe.. i n desiree din get wet at all! =) was fun lar. bt den it was around 4 plus alreadi, had ta go hme. sho den tybrought mi to e busstop n i went hme. bt was raining so heavily tt we both got drenched! lolx.. bt was kinda funi thou. =p

hmmz.. den in e bus i got a call frm sumone. wad tis person told mi.. hmmz.. was juz 'information' i guess? sumting lyk tt. bt it still kinda stirred up a feelin in mi tts nt rely nice.. hmmz.. yea.. bt i guess, fer e day yest, it was pretty cool. fun yea..

oh well.. back to today.. was feelin yea.. pissed n tired wif everything. think i was abit sharp wif my frens today coz dey kept pestering mi wen i wasnt feelin good.. poor gerls.. i guess i was a lil bad.. hehe.. hmmz.. it was raining heavily wen i got hme.. raining n raining n raining.. today i felt so rejected.. flashbacks played so many times to me wen i was in e bus. and i felt so alone..

im sick, sick of all of this. i want to turn around and run away. but somehow, i stay rooted to the spot, unable to let go..
tell mi that im not good enough, tell me that i'll never make it, hurl ur abuses at me. go on. i dont have the strenght to fight it out now. Painful memories races back, replaying again and again in my mind. the words swirl around my head. the dagger has been drawned out, bt the wound is still fresh. still hurting.. still bleedin.. i dun wan to fall in deeper and hurt myself later. but i find that i cant cut myself completely away and end up getting hurt once again. i dun want tis. i want it to end once and for all.
i love her. i love her as if she's my own sister. i adore her. but yet everytime i look at her i feel lyk i;ve juz got stabbed. hard. its nt her fault, and its nt anyone else's, its soley and entirelly mine. i wana close my eyes. i wana block my ears. i wana shut myself away from this world. turn my back to all the hurts n pains. and let all tt is left, to be juz mi. and jesus. coz here i am again. torn to pieces, broken up inside. the world has hurt mi once again. i close my eyes tight and turn to the lord. carry mi through again lord..

lettin go off all my hurts is hard. thinkin back is harder. bt forgetting everything is the hardest. dad brought an umbrella fer mi juz now, and he told mi to wait fer sis wif him. but i told him tt i was tired n wanted to go hme. so i went first. as i walked alone in e rain. i looked at e raindrops fall. every drop were just a tiny lil dot, bt yet. wen dey join up, dey can form sumthing big. juz lyk hurts.. lil ones.. small ones.. added together, becoming something big. as i walked through e rain wif my umbrella, i suddenly had an urge to throw it away and just run all the way hme.. bt i new tt tt was a foolish thing to do, so i continued walking slowly even thou it was gettin heavy. i guess tts how i sld go about.

even thou i feel lyk throwing everything aside and running away, i guess walkin and takin it slowly is still better. work it out one by one. unlike running in the rain, hurts fly away easily fer tt short moment, bt dun forget. dey're still there. n guess wad? no matter how fast u run, u'll still get wet.

-time to slow down and leave it all to god Dont write me off just yet,6:26 PM good morning! well, today is another beauiful morning, juz a perfect day to praise e lord! now its abt 7:55a.m.. i've been sho bored fer e past hour.. hmmz.. after blogging abit dun no wad im gona do. tink tt im goin ta leave e hse a 8:30a.m instead of 8:45, coz there's rely NOTHING to do! lolx.. woke up at abt 7:10a.m but cldnt go back to sleep.. haiisx.. done everything tt there is to do.. pack bed.. pack bag..clear table..etc.etc. onli thing i cant do is to play piano coz sis ish still sleeping..[pig]..lolx..

yea.. hehe. lookin forwards ta seeing all those wonderfull pple again. hehe.. love dem sho sho much.. Dont write me off just yet,7:57 AM woo hoo! talked ta mummy on e fone juz now! can go to chruch tml by myself! hehe.. n im allowed to go to e party thingy too! hehe.. praise god! to god be e glory! hehe! tml am goin earlier, duno whether can cc wad dey do at foundation class. hehe.. if cannot den i juz wait fer dem outside to cum out lor. lolx.. happie happie happie.. hmmz.. now goin to b 11 soon.. bt cant rely sleep. hmmz.. but nobody online lehz.. sho feel abit sianz.. oh wellz.. hahas.. i got god wif mi anyhow. lolx. Dont write me off just yet,10:47 PM reached hme abt 7.30p.m juz now. had fun wif e YE pple. it was so good to be wif dem again! juz miss being wif dem, dun feel stressed out wen im wif dem unlike bein wif my skool frens. hehe. it was cool. wen lyn n i got out of e car, we saw mel,faith,esther,lian jye,esther.. hmm.. n was there sumone else? cant rmb.. lolx. bt dey juz hopped out frm e bus hehe, sho basically we all reached there at e same time! lolx.. prophetic timin. hehe.. we all went in, and saw rachel,eric, ty and hamz already there. tink dey were juz talkin sho we joined dem. den alvin n david arrived. hehe.. sho juz crapped around n stuff til we actually started. hmmz.. i loved e worship today, hehe.. actually, i alwaes love worship, juz love to worship god, esp in a group. to soak into his presence, amazing. hehe.. yea..

before p&w we played tis ballon game. lolx its nt exactly my idea of fun, bt lolx.. had a good laugh out of it. hmmz.. aim of e game was to be able to stay on e carpeted floor and keep ur ballon in e air while tryin to knock others to the ground.. lolx.. was "interesting" in aa a funi kinda way.. hehe.. bt laughed alot. enjoyed myself. den rachel did sum teaching and stuff. was rely cool, she told us abt how she didnt rely no god n stuff and she decided to go find him for herself in bible skool. pretty cool.. hehe..

yea.. after tt we splited into gals n guys again. hahas.. we gals alwaes haf sho many things to talk abt. e guys alwaes finished sho much earlier! lolx.. interesting talk lah, very nice ta listen to advice and 'real-life' situations. hehe... bt shall nt write dem here.. hehe.. coz some people might read.. hehe.. tink its juz meant fer us gals.. lolx..

hmm.. after tt we sang a burrfdae song fer rina darlingz! lolx.. she was sho embarassed.. hehe.. cute lil thing. den we ate e burrfdae cake den left fer bball. on e way there, talked alot ta faith darliinkk. its nice talkin abt her, she sang her song fer mi, was beautiful. dun no how she does it, it rely sounds so "preety"! lolx.. duno how to say, tts y i muz say pretty. lolx. hehe.. yea. den talked to her abt other stuff, lolx.. hmm.. yea. juz stuff i guess, tt sldnt b written here. hehe.. yea. bt overall, i lyk talkin to her. she's such a darliinkk. lolx.. hmm.. yea..

after tt, played bball den i had to go back to EN(eagles nest) le coz my dad was cumin ta pick mi up. how sad rite? lolx. matthew sent mi there coz he was also sendin aunty gwen to c her sister and peace any may to orchard road. hehe.. yea.. den e rest went to eat dinner together. lolx. wish i cld haf been wif dem, bt o wellz.. seeing dem tml! hehe.. den haf to wait fer one wk again! lolx.. rely so attached to dem now. =)

tml after church and lunch, the YE will be havin a 'party' thingy at a park or sumting in orchard.. mum's workin OT today.. duno whether she'll let mi go. asked her over e fone juz now, she said tt she'll call mi back.. haiisx.. juz pray pray pray! coz mi aunt cumin to our hse fer dinner tml.. bt e party onli ending at 4p.m.. sho i tink sld can ba? hopefully hopefully.. tml might alsho b late fer church coz muz pick mum up for church.. bt mayb dad will let mi go earlier onli? another hopeful tot.. hehe.. muz pray real hard tonight! cant wait ta see all of them tml! missin dem sho much alreadi!! Dont write me off just yet,9:12 PM